As winter droned on, Tsukki swore to himself he would not be returning to the site anytime soon, he wasn't yet prepared to face him again. It had been months and he still had no clue what caused him to wake up, and he knew if it had actually been Tadashi, the guilt he felt now would've multiplied, to an even more unbearable feeling. The snow had melted and the sun came into the world again, the beginning of spring had arrived. He sat in the armchair in the living room with the curtains open for the first time in months, he was making progress in his grief, slowly things were starting to seem better and better. Yuzu perched on his lap all curled up, he ran his fingers through the small cat's fur as if on a perfect beat, the cat letting out little purrs of appreciation on this sunny almost spring day.
The downtime was truly a rarity in his case, so moments like this were usually shared with Yamaguchi, as they spent the day in each other's company, but that wasn't an option anymore. To sate his boredom he found himself scrolling through his phone, through old pictures and old memories. He was stopped in tracks by the picture fed to him by the "one year ago today reminder", the picture was Yams, asleep, with his head on a table, numerous flowers in his hair, he looked almost angelic, he looked peaceful, but there was blue crescent under his eyes and an exhausted look on his face. Memories, laced with the nostalgia of both the happy and sad variety flooded into his mind. He remembered that night more than anything. He remembered it was probably one of the only times, his former teammates had seen him smile and actually let loose a little. How Suga practically dragged Daichi out to dance with him, and then how Daichi had dealt with a lot more than just tipsy Suga, and how they had all planned it in a week's notice.
It was again like clockwork like machinery, as he found himself by the door tying the laces on his shoes, an inquisitive Yuzu coming up to brush against his leg, he gave her a small scratch on the head, before saying,
"I'll be back soon don't worry, you little idiot." Yuzu was in fact an idiot at times, but he couldn't help but love her.
As he walked outside the grass was not yet green, and still crunched beneath his feet, but the sun shone again, and the sound of birds filled the sky again. They nearly jogged their feet hitting the ground with noticeable thumps. The clanking of coins on the counter of the flower shop and the crinkling of plastic. As the bright red poppies were wrapped in shiny plastic, he grabbed them in his hands with a quick thank you, and ran, and ran to the dark grey gates, the tears he had been holding in for nearly a month and a half now spilling from his eyes, as his throat began to tighten up and hurt. He ran all the way to the familiar headstone wear he fell to his knees on the cold wet grass soaking his knees. As he pressed his forehead to the now dusty marble, he cried out.
"Yams please I am so sorry I forgot..." the words forcing themselves out of his in between sobs. "Happy Anniversary... I love you." Those words felt foreign coming out of his mouth, he hadn't said them since the night Yamaguchi had succumbed to his illness, and Tsukki was left alone in this world.
He placed the poppies on the headstone and found a dry spot under the tree to sit down at. Wiping his tears from his eyes while sniffling loudly. He started to recount the night out loud in an effort to bring himself some sort of solace in this rather depressing situation.
"Remember when we told everyone, and Suga jumped at the opportunity to officiate.", wiping his nose with the sleeve of his jacket. When Tadashi's illness had begun to progress, to the realm in which they knew that this illness was fatal. They had abruptly decided to get married one night when the reality had become too suffocating, he remembered that night at the dinner table after they had gone looking for cats to adopt, earlier that day. He remembered the harsh words that had been exchanged, now crying over the things he had said that night, he mostly remembered how it was Tadashi had asked him to marry him saying,
"Then marry me you idiot, I'm scared, please.", how he had tears streaming down his pink face, and how at that moment Tsukki had no words to say, other than to take his face in his hands and plant his lips firmly on his, he himself was now crying.
"Of course I will you idiot, I always would have." He replied that night neither of them had dry eyes for very long. It was probably the longest Yamaguchi had ever seen the other boy cry.
Back at the present day Tsukishima was once again sitting under the same tree, tears rolling down his face as he choked back sobs, feeling like a complete crybaby in public, he knew that who he was in high school would laugh at who he was now. He just kept talking though it brought himself solace as it usually did, so he sat under the tree steeping in his guilt for both forgetting their own wedding anniversary and the guilt of not coming to see his fallen spouse in over a month.
"And remember when Daichi had to carry Suga off the dance floor cause he had too much to drink, and how Asahi had to do the same for Nishinoya." Bokuto, Kuroo, and Akaashi had even come to the small intimate night. They held it outside in the new spring with arrangements made out of red poppies and foliage. He was happy they both were, "and remember how you got so tired that night you fell asleep on the table, him a crown of flowers in your head, I don't know if you knew this, but I carried you to bed that night, and you slept and slept and slept, and Yams... I thought I had lost you early..." The soft memories turning into something more abrasive now, the tear quickening up again. Yams was sick that night, Yams had been sick for a while, but that night's festivities drained him until he slept for almost 14 hours straight.
The afternoon turned to even as more tears were shed and more memories from the night were shared, it was truly one of the best nights in both of their lives, it was a small and intimate ceremony, filled with friends and happiness, it was a moment in which everyone seemed to forget about the illness that was slowly sinking its teeth into Yamaguchi, slowly draining him of everything he had. Before he left, he placed a small kiss to the name on the marble, before touching his forehead to the same cold marble, almost as if to ask for forgiveness one more time, before he left. When he got back to the apartment as usual the cat was happy to see him, nuzzling into Tsukki's feet, and yet again Tsukki climbed into the left side of the bed rather than the right.
