Fall had begun to fade from the world, the wind was colder, and frost began to find itself on the roofs of many homes. On this cold morning, Tsukishima found himself walking to his mailbox, wrapped in a coat and scarf, his shoes scuffing the pavement beneath him. The tarnished brass key slid into the keyhole and clicked as the mailbox opened. He pulled a few letters from the cold metal box. As he walked back to his apartment, his gloved hands began to sift through the various mail he had received, spam, advertisement, spam, bills, spam, the card at the bottom of the pile made him stop in his tracks, before swiftly dodging into his apartment. A green and red card, with gold accents, he knew exactly who this was from the moment he saw it. The card read, "Happy Christmas Tsukishima!" a bunch of other stuff and ended, "With Love from Suga, Daichi, and Runa".
It was the annual Christmas card sent every year by Suga and Daichi, no one was surprised when a year or so after high school the two admitted they had eloped, forgoing the extravagance of a traditional wedding. And there they sat big smiles plastered over their faces, in front of a tree that shone in bright reds and golds, they were a picture-perfect family. Their newest addition, Runa, only added to the picturesque quality. They had recently adopted the toddler, who had taken immediately to the pair, her wildly orange curly hair, reminded Tsukishima vaguely of Hinata, but even her smile was picture perfect. He plodded his way to the kitchen, to put the card on the fridge. Searching for a magnet, he saw a similarly styled card, the one from last year, addressed to both him and Yamaguchi. It even wished them health in the new year.
The line wishing them health struck a deep deep nerve like someone had jammed an ice pick into his chest and wrenched it around until the heartbeat was gone. He threw the new card to the floor. Frantically put his jacket and scarf back on, before braving the cold of winter again. His feet knew exactly where to take him, following the path ingrained in mind like his left and right. Though the wind was cold and unforgiving, Tsukki's face burned a bright shade of pink, and his years, welled with tears, for a reason he had yet to decide. He took no time swinging the grey gates open which almost screamed instead of squeaking from force alone. His shoes caused the dead grass beneath him to crunch.
He slumped under the same tree, now brown and bare with no leaves, to grace its branches, and huffed.
"Hi, Yams." It wasn't as soft as how he had said it many times before but inside he was dealing with emotions that daily life does not equip you for, what do you do when you receive a Christmas card addressed solely to you when for years it was addressed to you and another very important person.
"I got Suga and Daichi's Christmas card, they did end up adopting that little girl, probably about a month or two after..." He was not going to finish that sentence admitting he was gone, yet again would hurt like nothing else, and hurting was getting tiring. He lifted the card up to show the marble headstone.
"Remember last year, when they wished us good health, god what a fucking joke." He tried to laugh it off but it just wasn't working, he couldn't. Had their wish for health actually worked Tadashi would still be here, the card would be addressed to both of them, not just Tsukishima. It was an unfair game that the universe had decided to play. Tsukishima laid his head against the tears, hot tears that seemed a mix of anger and sadness, but primarily loss began to pool in his eyes, the heat fogging his glasses just a little, but not enough to blind him.
"God damn it Tadashi," the words choked their way out of Tsukishima's throat, the tears finding their way rolling down his reddened cheeks. "Why did you have to get sick, what the fuck, why did you have to die, it's not fair, it's not fair." inside he was kicking himself for crying like a child in a public spot, but wasn't that what cemeteries were for, crying? He still kicked himself for calling the universe unfair how childish he had to be today, but the truth was it was not at all fair. In his mind had Yam's still been alive, the card on the fridge would have made them laugh, they would have gone to get the mail together, and Tadashi would have smiled and cooed at the bright smile on Runa's face. The winter wouldn't be so damn cold, even though in his empty apartment with the heater on many blankets, and a lazy cat to keep him warm, Tsukki was never warm enough, his body was warm but his heartfelt cold.
Tsukishima sat under the tree and cried and cried, loudly until his whole body had begun shaking from the cold. His eyes focused on the headstone in front of him and nothing else just the freezing marble, with a familiar name etched into it. He knew with everything in him, he needed to head home, he needed to go inside, but he wanted nothing more than to fall asleep under the tree, he knew Yuzu had enough food and water to last until she was found, and he knew, Daichi and Suga would add the damn cat to their picture-perfect family. He leaned his head back and let his eyes fall closed.
He must've fallen asleep when he woke up the sky was dark and his jaw shook violently and his fingers felt numb. He had no clue what had woken him up, nor why he was even allowed to wake back up again, it seemed fate favored the cruel. At this moment he doesn't quite know what came over him, but he allowed himself to speak out loud,
"I hear you Tadashi, I'm getting up." The words croaked out of his throat, his whole body shaking and trying to stay warm. It was a chore to move his feet to his apartment, once at the door his fingers fumbled with the key until finally it slipped in and the door creaked open. He threw his outer garments off his freezing body, and turned his heater up, the damn bill would be high, but he wouldn't have pneumonia at least. His feet drug him to the bedroom, where he curled into place under every blanket he could bring himself to find on the left side of the bed. This was Yam's side, it somehow felt warmed tonight. He laid in bed shivering, trying to heat his body back up when an inquisitive meow came for the doorway of the bedroom, Yuzu marched herself over to the bed and hopped onto the mattress, decided the most comfortable spot to sleep was on top of Tsukki's head, damn cat.
