Silence Behind Her

chapter twenty-eight

This chapter's soundtrack: Leave It All Behind, SLEEPING WITH SIRENS

PRESENT

Rae Jinri Ferrer

"MARTINEZ, CAUIS JAP." Nasa college department ako. Hindi ko alam kung pano ako nakarating dito. Basta ang alam ko lang nag book ako ng taxi at napunta na dito. And hindi ko toh pinag-isipan. Parang gusto ko na nga mag back out.

"Ka ano-ano ka nya?" Tanong ng guard. Alam ko na ang higpit ng NVU pero hindi ko alam na ganito ka higpit. Nasa labas ako ng gate, dahil ayaw akong papasukin ng guard hangga't hindi na v-verify ang identity ko. Sa tonong yun parang suicide bomber ako e.

Ka ano-ano nga ba ako? Sasabihin ko ba na, "Ako yung bumalewala sa kanya at nagpapatuloy na sinasaktan sya."

"Ano na, ineng?" I cleared my throat and said, "He's my older brother." I looked away after the guard raised his eyebrow to me. Basta ang alam ko lang, nakangiwi nyang tinanggap ang ID ko at pinapasok na ako matapos nyang pumindot-pindot sa computer sa harap nya.

Perstaym kong nakarating dito. Dahil una, ayaw ni Ritchel na mapadpad ako dito sa hindi ko malamang rason. At pangalawa, strikto daw. At hindi naman sya nagkamali.

I looked at my wristwatch to see the time. It's already 5:30 PM. May mangilan-ngilan na mga students sa hallway nila o kaya sa mga benches malapit sa mayayabong na kahoy. And NVU-College reminds me of SVSU, kung san ako nag seniors. Pero hindi maipagkakailang mas maraming students sa State U kumpara dito. Maybe because hindi sila tumatanggap ng scholars? Dapat makapasa sa monthly income na 100k± para makapasok? At kelangang may endorsement kung hindi 100k± ang income? And sure, hindi ako dito magkaka college. Now I wonder kung bakit nakapasok si Ritchel dito.

Most of the students were looking at me with weird looks plastered on their faces. MOST. HALOS. Dahil ang iba, they have their own businesses to mind na ipinagpasasalamat ko naman. I really hate attention. Buti nalang at hindi ako mayaman. Oh-kay, anong connect?! So yun na nga, napadaan ako sa may nagkukumpulan na mga students. Ipinanganak nga akong curious diba? Pero dati yun. Wala na talaga akong pakealam ngayon. Kase kahit ngayon lang, iintindihin ko muna ang sarili ko.

Now that I think of it, bumalik na naman ang lungkot ko. Kaya napaupo ako benches malapit sa flower garden. Hindi ko alam kung summer o winter solstice na ba pero ang bilis magtago ng araw. Or it's just there's so much things running in my mind.

Hays. I looked at the sky and it's in its picturesque, the colors of orange and indigo are present. May mga flocks of bird na lumilipad. Like they're so free to do whatever they wanna do. Sanaol, malaya. Because honestly, I felt like I'm handcuffed and chained inside. That every move I make should be under their standards. And I have to be someone else.

That day.. that day when I learned that Kelvin has a son with Tyra, that's also the day I knew who really I am. I can't really take it. From all these years, the people I trusted the most lied to me. And I just ran out of what to say. When we returned home, when Martinez was beaten with my brothers and Cleo, I badly want to run away with him (Martinez), but I know that I shouldn't. Because Martinez' father doesn't want us there. How ironic. Noon, ayaw kong tumira sa mansyon, ngunit ngayon iba na.

When everything turned out to faked out, even myself, Martinez remained the same. He just stayed at my side, and never left.

He's my home.

And just the thought that he'll leave, I just don't know where should I be.

"Hey," I heard someone uttered. I guess that is for me so I immediately turned and looked for the owner of that voice. A petite girl in her college shirt is standing in front of me. I stood up as courtesy and found out that I way taller than her.