Shine a Light on Me

Chapter Four

"Time to wake up." I hear faintly, then I feel a gentle shake.

I lay still for a moment and the memories of last night come flooding back. I feel psychically ill. My eyes open and I see Jimmy staring down at me. He's smiling. I look around frantically for my mother, she's not in the room. He can see the panic on my face and sits down beside me.

"What's on your mind, darling?" He says putting his arm around me. I notice the beer in his other hand. How? Why? Did I let him touch me?

"What happened last night?" I ask, secretly wanting him to say nothing, it was all a bad dream.

"Well.. We got closer. I found out what I really want." He replied ,pulling me closer. I pull away.

"Jimmy, we need to...we need to just forget about it. It never happened. Your my mom's fiancé. It's wrong. I don't want any part of it. I don't want you!"
I say shielding my eyes from the sun. He looks hurt, I feel sorry for being so gruff.

Then the sunlight gleams off of the bottle in his hand and I remember why we'd never work, under any circumstance.

"I'm sorry....I put your suitcases in the car. We're leaving in an hour." He says in a dejected tone.

I quickly get up and head for the stairs.

"Wait!" He exclaims, as he follows close behind me.

"I hope we can still be...friends...I'm sorry. We were both...I'm sorry. Okay. I'm really sorry." He looks sincere in his apology and his pain. I hug him and whisper

"Let's just forget this never happened." As I let go of him, I know we're nothing going to have a tough time forgetting this.

As I head up the steps, I can smell him on me. I push it out my mind and take a shower. I try to make myself feel clean. I scrub my skin, trying to purge myself of every trance of him.

As I'm drying off, I swear I catch another whiff of his scent. I start to tear up. Why is this happening? " NADIA! We're leaving in 15 minutes!" My mom shouts from the other side of the door. I compose myself and put on a white maxi dress and gold sandals. As I walkout to the car the sun hits my eyes and my head feels like it about to explode. I have to deal with all this and a hangover. I don't think I can do it. I get in the backseat and sit in silence. Jimmy and my mom chatter for the entire drive. I can feel my brain pulsate. We finally get to the airport and they direct us to our gate. We sit down in row of uncomfortable chairs and wait to board.

Once we board the plane we're lead to the spacious first class cabin. Surprisingly it's bare just us and an elderly couple. We're seated in the front of the cabin, in large leather seats that fold flat in to bed. My mom and I sit down and sink in to our new comfortable accommodations, Jimmy disappears. I close my eyes and try to relax. A few minutes later, I hear

"Love? Are you awake?" My eyes snap open, I look at my mother. She's content, flipping through a copy of good housekeeping. I know it's just guilty ,I'm getting paranoid. I think my mom will notice the way jimmy looks at me or talks to me. I know she'd blame me and it would cut the tiny bare thread that out relationship is hanging on.

"Here, this should make you feel better." He says handing me a tiny blue pill and a glass of orange juice.

I take it, I'm willing to do anything that'll stop the pounding in my head. After about 15 minutes, it stops. I feel very relaxed and heady, like I'm floating. My mom asks if I'm okay, I try to answer.
"Yeaaaas." I slur.

"What did you give her?" My mom asks Jimmy with a laugh.

"A Valium." He softly replies.

My eyelids feel like lead weights, I let them slip shot. All the noise in the cabin becomes a dull murmur. When we take off I feel like I, myself, am flying. Soon I feel nothing at all. It all fades to black.

"We're in England." My mother shrieks , shaking me vigorously. I'm so groggy, I don't really know where I am. I stand up and I'm wobbly, my legs feel like jello. Jimmy puts his arm around my waist and guides me off the plane. I'm leaning on him, it's hard to keep my footing. As we walk through the airport, my mom gets ahead of she's very animated. Her lips move but I can't hear what she's saying. I just want to go back to sleep. Am I sleeping? This feels like a dream. When we finally get to the car, my mom gets in first. I stumble off the curve and Jimmy grabs my waist before I fall. It feels like life is in slow motion. I nod off as the car leaves the parking lot.

I'm awoken by a tug on my arm. Jimmy's trying to get me out of the car. We're parked in front of a large country home. He walks me in and through a few rooms and hall. I collapse on to a couch and go back into a deep sleep. I dream of him. His dark curls and green eyes. His beautiful alabaster skin. Even his crooked teeth. Then I'm awoken again. This time his voice is the only one I hear.

"Wake up, little girl." He coos as he strokes my hair.

I open my eyes and see his lustful gaze. It feels like warm sunshine on my face. He brushes away a few stray curls from my forehead.

"How do you feel?" He says as he leans down and kisses my cheek.

"Sleepy." I mange to slur.

"Your so beautiful when you sleep." He smiles down at me. He leans down again but this time he kisses my lips. Slowly and tenderly. He pulls away suddenly.
I'm disoriented and a little frightened. I have no idea where I am. I reach for him.

"Daddy? Don't leave me." I squeak.

" Don't worry, i'll be back in a few hours, darling. Daddy can't resist his little girl." He says as he covers me up with a Blanket. He kisses my head and leaves. I lie there for what feels like hours in a twilight between sleep and lucidity.

When the light creeps through the blinds I set up. Did Jimmy come to me last night? Was it a dream? A fantasy? My subconscious telling me I miss him? I see a blanket on the floor at my feet and the door is open a crack. My heart flutters, then I realize I could have went to bed like that. I have no idea. Absolutely no recollection of what was fantasy and what's reality.

What I do know is that I'm in England and today they were both supposed to start out patient treatment. I Also know i'll have to find out what really happened last night. I get up and head out of what seems to be a study to explore. To see if they've keep their promises of seeking help. I hope he cleans himself up, if he did, then maybe just maybe we could be together.