One Night in New York

Chapter Twenty-Five

Do you ever feel like you have too much on your plate and are being pulled in a million different directions? That was me, by the way. It was a never-ending game of red rover between being a new mom and planning a wedding. You know, the one where they call your name and you run towards a crowd of people clutching each other as you try to break through, usually collapsing because there are too many people on the other side. That was how I felt about the whole wedding, mother thing. I was being summoned by all of these different people from various locations, and I was running towards them as they needed me, only to fall. Not literally, of course. There was simply too much going on at the same time, and I was attempting to break through it all.

I felt terrible about it every day as if I wasn't paying enough attention to Liam or even Connie. I knew Liam had promised to look after the baby at home during the day so I could continue to plan the wedding, but when I tried to talk to Liam, it felt like he was giving me the cold shoulder. Was he thinking twice about marrying me or starting a family with me? Was it too much for him to handle at the time? All of those questions were gnawing at me as our wedding day approached.

It was a Friday morning when I awoke, and Connie had already woken me up three times that night. I thought I'd struck gold with a baby who slept through the night, but she had other plans. I didn't wake up feeling refreshed. I awoke in a panic because I couldn't find Liam or Connie. Maybe I should have calmed down first before going off the deep end, but I had no idea where the two of them were, which was unsettling.

I texted and called Liam repeatedly but received no response. Were they all right? What happened after I fed Connie at 2:00 a.m.? I called Angie in a panic, not thinking clearly.

"Angie, I just woke up, and Connie and Liam are gone. Have you heard from them? I'm freaking out. He won't answer," I hysterically started the conversation.

"Whoa, Nat, calm down and think for a second. He probably wouldn't have taken her anywhere, but did you check next door at Andrews?" She replied.

Just then, a sense of relief washed over me as I sank into my chair, "No, I didn't. Ugh, I'm such an idiot, and you're probably right. I'll head over there and check. I'll call you back if they are not there."

"OK, love you, Nat. Just breath. You have a lot on your plate," Angie responded.

We hung up the phone, and I dashed over to Andrew's house. That would be the first time we had ever argued, at least a significant argument. As my heart began to race, I knocked on the door like a crazy person. I wanted to make sure they were there, but I was irritated that my calls went unanswered by the same token.

Andrew rushed to the door at the sounds of the panicked knocking, "Hey, Natalie," he said, answering the door, "Is everything OK?"

"Yeah, hey Andrew, are Liam and Connie here? I woke up, and they were gone."

"Yeah, they are in the living room."

I rushed in through his front door and into his living room, where I saw Liam relaxing while Connie slept in her pack-n-play. Liam gave me a puzzled look because he could tell I was a little unsettled. "Hey, babe, is everything all right?" Liam inquired.

"Is everything all right? How come you didn't wake me up? You just took off with Connie, without telling me, no note, and when I tried to call you, you didn't answer. What was the point of that?" I began to become irritated by the situation. I considered a simple Hey, babe, I'm going next door, or a phone call would have been nice. The stress was getting to me, and I was venting it on Liam. All of the nonstop days of wedding planning, waking up with the baby all night, and getting married in two weeks with so much more to do had finally hit me.

Liam stood there perplexed as if I had peed in his cheerios. I could see his annoyance rising as I harped on him for taking the baby to Andrews so I could sleep. I didn't see it that way at the time; I just saw him trying to get away from me.

"Babe, seriously, you need to calm down," Liam told me.

I couldn't stand it when people told me to calm down, because I knew I wouldn't. That sent me into a tailspin, and I started raising my voice. "Are you kidding me? Calm down. I'm doing everything for the wedding and looking after the baby, and you're telling me to relax? Why don't you help more instead of disappearing, leaving me with the impression that this is all too much for you?"

"Andrew, can you sit with Connie for a few? We need to have a private conversation for a minute," Liam asked.

Liam then escorted me back to our condo to wrap up our conversation. The argument began as we entered our kitchen "What was that, Natalie? Are you completely insane? Don't ever embarrass me in front of Andrew, or anyone else for that matter. What exactly is your issue?"

"What exactly is my issue?" When I woke up you were both gone! I tried calling and texting you but received no response. There was no note saying, "Hey, babe, I'm next door." So, what's the issue? Everything! Everything is my issue! I know I said to sit back and let me handle the wedding, but I do everything. It's all too much, the wedding and the baby. I know you look after Connie while I meet with wedding vendors, but Liam, we're getting married in two weeks, and you seem distant lately. Do you really want this? Was I some massive mistake that landed in your lap, trapping you with a baby? I need to know because if that's the case...."

"Stop speaking, Natalie. Do not finish that sentence! What is the matter with you!" I loudly screamed at myself.

I was yelling at myself to stop talking, but the words just poured out of me and I couldn't stop. I was stressed out because of everything on my plate, and Liam bore the brunt of it. As I spoke, I could see my words cutting him like a knife. I'd never been so angry at him before, and I didn't even have a reason to be. I read far too much into everything.

"How could you ever say that to me? Yes, I never wanted to be in a relationship when we first met, but I fell in love with you before we found out we were expecting Connie. So you can kiss my ass if you think I'd ever reject you or our daughter. I understand you're going through a lot, but I'm not here to be your verbal punching bag. Have I been feeling down lately? Sure, but that doesn't mean I don't care about you. I know you've been preoccupied with the wedding and the baby, but I was missing my best friend. We hardly ever see each other, but guess what? I'll get over it! I'm marrying you and only you, and I brought Connie next door to give you some much-needed rest after you've been working yourself to the bone. I assumed you'd be able to sleep all morning." Liam appeared to be deeply hurt as he spoke to me.

I started crying because I never meant to make him feel less than perfect in my eyes. Sure, couples argue; no relationship survives its entire journey without a squabble, but as he said all of that to me, I couldn't help but feel like the worst person in the world.

"I'm so sorry, babe. I've been going crazy with everything going on. I thought you were second-guessing us, and I took it out on you instead of talking to you," I sobbed.

Liam approached me slowly, placing one hand on my shoulder and lifting my chin with the other. " Look, babe, you would know if I didn't want to be with you. I don't want to argue with you, especially since our wedding is only two weeks away. Just know that I adore you and Connie and I have never and will never regret either of you. Nat, I love you."

I exhaled slowly as I rested my head on his chest, grateful that our biggest quarrel had died down before the top blew. We held each other for a few moments as Liam swayed with me in his arms. His assurance made me believe that everything would be okay.

Liam called Andrew and told him we'd be there in about thirty minutes once we'd calmed down. He gladly agreed to look after the baby while we finished our conversation. Did we continue to sit and talk? No, we made up for any time we felt we had lost over the previous month.

I only had two weeks before I became Natalie Renee Taylor. That sounded good to me. And in two weeks, our little family would be complete.