And it hurts in my head, in my heart, in my chest, and I'm having trouble catching my breath.
* * * * *
Luke
I awoke, laying on Tessa's carpeted living room floor with a my arm tucked under her side and her spine pushing into the curve of my chest. She snored softly, her chest rising and falling with each breath as I gently ran my fingers through her tangled locks.
She whimpered softly and wiggled in my arms so she was laying flat on her back, her eyelids fluttering so she could adjust to the morning light.
With a smile, I pressed my lips against her cheek and she inhaled sharply at the contact. The coldness of my piercing must have shocked her, I guessed.
"Good morning." I mumbled into her skin.
"Luke." She groaned and rolled away. There was something off about her actions, almost... annoyance.
"I'm going to get some breakfast." She said groggily and pushed herself off of the blankets. Cautiously, I watched as she crossed the room and through the kitchen door, then I followed her.
She poured two glasses of orange juice, pulled a couple pieces of toast from the toaster, and continued to smear a thin layer of Vegemite onto the slices. I thanked her as she placed the food in front of me and she took a seat across the small table.
"You okay?" She asked after taking a sip of her juice.
"Just thinking about last night." I answered, a smirk creeping onto my lips. To my surprise, she looked ashamed and turned her head down so she wouldn't have to look at me.
"That was weird, wasn't it?"
"Weird?" I was taken back. "How was it weird?"
"I don't know." She started to play with her fingers, a gesture she always did when she was nervous. "I just don't want us to be like that, Luke."
"Oh." I mumbled sadly, and stood up. "I think I better get going." I managed to get out although I could feel my throat starting to close up.
As I took long strides into the living room to grab my coat, Tessa struggled to keep up. "Luke," she said in a raspy voice. "We can still be friends, right?"
"Yeah," I gave her a fake smile. "Friends." And I was out the door before she could say another word.
***
Locking myself in my room for a whole day was a bad idea. I spent a majority of the time curled into the pillows and crying, which then triggered me to mentally scold myself for getting so upset over a girl I wasn't even dating. A girl I had only kissed once. A girl I knew I could trust with my life. A girl I had had a crush on for months before I had even gained the courage to speak to her. The first girl I had ever loved.
And then I cried again.
Out of desperation, I called Ashton since he was more experienced in the female department than I.
"You need to get your mind off of it. You're making it a bigger deal than it needs to be." He told me after I had explained what had happened with Tessa.
"It's just that I had finally gotten the girl I have always wanted to be with and she rejected me. Now it feels like I have nothing."
"I know, man." Ashton sighed. "I'm sure she'll warm up to you eventually. I mean if you hadn't talked to me in two years then suddenly showed up at my door and started acting like you wanted to get in my pants, I'm not sure I'd be too thrilled either." He said with a chuckle.
"Ugh, I know, Ash. I'm just so damn impatient and I want to jump ahead. Get through all this friend crap and finally love her the way she needs." I ran my hand through my hair, making it stick up higher than usual. "And it hurts. My head is pounding and I feel like I can't breathe."
