Lock and Key

Cold Breakfast

Grace hated this. She'd never been afraid of the dark but she couldn't help feeling anxious whenever her sliver of light was cut off and she was left alone with nothing but her thoughts and she'd silently beg for the light to return. And when it did she'd pray for it to go away because the return of the light meant the return of Simon. No, the return of the person she wasn't even allowed to call Simon. The person who wore her best friend's face like a mask and used that mask to soften her before reminding her that he wasn't to be trusted. The person who'd hit her, who called her a void, who burned her stuff. Who'd burned the only picture of the two of them. That had been yesterday, or at least Grace assumed it had been yesterday. Time meant almost nothing on the train and it meant even less now that Grace spent almost every hour of everyday locked in a single unlit room. She strained against her restraints even though she knew they wouldn't budge. This Simon knew how to tie a knot she'd give him that, he'd been in scouts. She cursed herself for knowing that, for remembering things Simon had told her when she'd believed that they'd always love each other. She was furious that she couldn't hate Simon as much as she wanted to. She wanted the mere sound of his voice to fill her with a violent rage. She wanted the sight of his smug face that looked at her as if she was no more important than dirt on the bottom of his shoe to make her want to rip his throat out. She wanted to not feel that little bit of love that still filled her with the stupid hope that one of these times the door to her prison would open and the Simon who she cared for would be there and this would all be a sad sick dream. Grace felt like a wounded animal but at least a wounded animal might try and fight back against the hunter who'd wounded it. Grace felt drained. "I don't really think there's a good analogy for being betrayed by your best friend." Grace thought to herself and how could there be. How could a quick simple phrase contain the suffering and sadness and heartbreak of the person who you'd trusted with your life hating you with such passion that they'd dedicated themself to hurting you. Occasionally Grace considered the idea that Simon was right, and that she'd somehow earned this but those thoughts died quickly. She didn't deserve this, no one did. Grace didn't know what she feared more, Simon, or the fact that she couldn't hate him the way he hated her. She heard the door open and looked up to see Simon standing there.

"Good morning Void." he said to her. His voice was full of hate and it made Grace sick to her stomach. Though that might have just been the hunger. "I brought your food." he said coldly. He tossed it at her and the paper plate's contents splattered all over her face. Grace scrapped some of whatever food it was off of her eyes. "It's oatmeal, your favorite." he said pleasantly.

"My favorite breakfast food is waffles." Grace corrected. Simon stared daggers at her and entered the room further.

"Your favorite food is whatever I give you because you'll eat it and like it or you'll starve." he said coldly. Grace was starving but she refused to eat oatmeal out of her hair, at least not in front of him. That was what he wanted and at the very least she could refuse him that. He crouched down to her level and grabbed her face in his hands. She bit him. Simon stood up quickly and held his hand. "Fucking Void! You're going to pay for this!" he yelled at her.

"You would have made me pay for it anyway." Grace pointed out. Simon glared at her before his expression softened to one that was nicer. It almost reminded her of the Simon in her memories, almost. He took a deep breath.

"It's okay. Let's move on, how was your day today Void?" he asked. Grace chose not to dignify the question with a response. "Giving me the silent treatment Void? That's okay." he said, the fake niceness in his voice slipping for a second. "I'll tell you what, you look awful. I mean you really let yourself go. I remember you used to be the most vain creature on the train. And now look at you." Simon shook his head. "How the mighty have fallen." he said with fake sadness in his voice. Grace wanted to scream at him, to tell him that in the eight years she'd known him Simon had never taken care of his appearance and that when they'd met she'd had to practically cajole him into showering. She wanted to yell at him that he'd burned all of the things she'd spent eight years collecting to keep herself reaching the stands of hygiene that she had set. She wanted to cry that she'd been locked in this dark room for god knew how long and that he had no right to comment on her appearance when he'd done this to her. Instead she said nothing. "Well don't worry Void. I'll be happy to help you out." there was something sinister in his voice, something dark and dangerous about the way Simon said help.

"I don't want any of your help." she said. Simon shook his head before looking back to her.

"It's a good thing I don't care about your opinion then." he said before walking off and returning with a cart full of water balloons. "I thought this would be fun for you." Simon said in a way that indicated that she wasn't who this would be fun for. He chucked one at her and it broke as it hit her face exploding soap and water into her eyes. "How about another?" Simon asked laughing as Grace struggled to catch her breath, the wind being knocked out of her as a seemingly endless barrage of water balloons pelted her, the soap burning her eyes and leaving her dripping with water. He walked back into the room seemingly satisfied with having perverted what was supposed to be a fun childhood game. "I don't know about you but I thought that was great. Plus, you're all clean now Void." Grace strained against her restraints, if she could just get out, maybe she could do something, anything, to make this stop. Maybe this was all some awful dream or coma and all she had to do was get out of the things holding her and she could wake up.

"I'm going to get out of here." she said, determined. Simon laughed.

"I highly doubt that, but you're welcome to try. Besides even if you did get out you think you'd be able to escape the car? Everyone in the Apex knows that you're merely an infestation, so we'd catch you pretty quickly. And even if you got out of the car, you think that would stop me?" he got close to Grace's face again. "One way or another you will pay for your betrayal of the Apex, for your betrayal of me. If you ever escape this car I will make sure you never know another moment of peace." he said seriously before getting up to leave the room once again. "Do you want me to bring you some more oatmeal Void?" he asked. Grace wanted to say no, to tell him that she didn't want anything from him, that she didn't need him and that she hated him. But she was starving and she needed to eat.

"Yes." she said quietly. Simon walked out and closed the door behind him. The darkness enveloped Grace again and she was almost relieved. Simon managed to make both the darkness and the light hell. Simon managed to make her life hell. She was all alone now, even though she was in a car full of people, Grace was alone. She didn't know what else to do, didn't know what else could be done, so she cried. Grace cried because a part of her wished that she died in her tape, that she'd stayed there and never escaped. Grace wanted to be a better person. She understood that the things that she'd done were wrong. She understood she needed to make things right, to correct her mistakes. But how could she ever do that if she couldn't even decide if she hated the person that was torturing her. Grace wished that she could check her number, to see if going through hell had somehow been worth it because she was becoming a better person but she still had her gloves on and the way she was restrained made checking her number an impossibility. All she could do was sit there, hungry and soaking wet and sobbing over everything that had led her to that moment. A small intrusive part of her wondered if maybe doing the right thing had been wrong. If maybe she should have just agreed with Simon even though she knew it was wrong. Or if she should have gone against Simon a long time ago and prevented any of this. Grace had done the right thing at the wrong time and now she was tired and scared and more alone than she'd ever been. She heard the door open again and Simon walked in with more oatmeal, this time in a bowl. He put it in front of her.

"Eat." he said. It sounded more like a command than an offer. Grace fruitlessly strained against her restraints once again.

"I can't, I don't have a spoon and even if I did I couldn't hold it." Grace explained tiredly. Simon stared at her.

"Stick your face in it and eat it that way Void." he said. Grace shook her head.

"I'm not going to eat it like a fucking animal." she replied angrily.

"Being an animal would be an upgrade for you Void. Eat it, don't eat it, I don't care. But you don't get more food until you finish it, so figure it out." As Simon left he slammed the door behind him and Grace jumped at the sudden loud sound. Grace's stomach rumbled desperately and she stared down at the bowl. Silent tears fell down her face as she did what Simon had recommended. She sat there soaking wet and ate the oatmeal the best way she could. This is what she'd been reduced to, what her former best friend had reduced her to. At that moment, Grace thought again hoping that this new low would conjure in her the type of hatred for Simon she longed to feel. She kept crying as the hatred refused to come.