Touch

Chapter 25| Seeds of Doubt

One step forward, three giant steps back, in fact, Malachai's steps were large enough to equate to 10, but for some odd reason I was letting him off easy.

What could I say? He was trying, and I had to respect that...to some degree, but I couldn't shake the anger rising in me, the doubt that constantly played on my conscience.

I needed to know about his past life like I needed sustenance to survive. Suffice it to say, I was obsessed with a dead woman; in the two weeks that I spent doing my damndest to avoid him, I searched like a madwoman for clues, anything about his true mate, and I came up empty.

There were no pictures of her around this house, nothing, almost like she never existed. Balfore wouldn't give me any more than he already had, insisting that I speak to the alpha.

I even resorted to asking his sisters, who in the past had been more forthcoming, but even they remain tightlipped on the growing mystery that was Elaine Rendell,-yes, Rendell.

I stress this because marriage wasn't a norm in this world, according to Balfore, "The bond transcends all that bullshit," a remark that I desperately wanted to say fuck you to, but two reasons saved him from my wrath.

One being having been in a human relationship with Aaron, whom I had every intention of marrying and being with Malachai, my soulmate–I would be lying if I said I didn't feel the difference.

Staying away from him for these two weeks was the hardest thing I had ever done, sleep was no longer my companion when I needed it the most, and the aches, my body thrived to be held, touched by him but I couldn't give in, not until he understood.

He may have thought it was about my pride, but it was about my respect and the need for me to protect my heart because Goddess above knew that Malachai already had it even if he wasn't aware.

This bond is a double-edged sword like no other, it takes away your choice, and rains down a world of pain when you try to fight it.

Even when you know that someone was made for you, still there exists this sliver of doubt that builds and allows insecurities to seep within until all you can think of is whether or not the love of your life is in love with someone to whom you can never compare.

Goddess above, he married her! He loved her that much that it wasn't enough to be soul bound, he married her.

And here I was, waiting hoping like an idiot that he would just talk to me. I sighed as I lay in the warmth of his fading body heat now that he had gone to take on yet another task on his never-ending list of tasks.

Since that night in my apartment, moments were all Malachai and I seemed to share. I couldn't help but wonder whether he and Elaine were any different.

Elaine.

Elaine.

Elaine.

God! Is this what it was like to be in love? I never gave a shit about Aaron's exes and now I could hardly get her name out of my thoughts for five minutes.

I reached for my phone beneath my pillow in hopes that a phone call would distract me from my current thoughts. I had been dodging Linda's calls for two weeks now, sending half-assed texts ensuring her that I was alright, but like the true mother she was, she just wouldn't let up.

I dreaded the impending verbal lashing that I awaited me on the other end of that ringtone as the phone rang. On the third ring, she picked up, and as expected I was greeted by her silent treatment and took it as my in to plead and grovel before the unrelenting sting of her tongue descended. 

"Let me just start by saying that I am so sorry. I know I've been cryptic these last few days, but I promise you I'm okay. I was just having a hard time and I just needed a shoulder to lean on an ear to listen–"