The pain I've been dealt (TodoBaku) (No longer on Hold)

Part 11: Unexplainable

Todoroki's POV:

Over the next couple of months, I caught myself staring at Bakugo more and more often. But I wasn't the only one who caught me. Uraraka couldn't leave it alone either. And every time she said something, you could see Midoriya's expression darken

If you asked me, I could never explain why he seemed bothered by this. I try to brush it off, but it. bothered me that he was upset. He was special to me since he was my first real friend here.

Another thing that had become routine over the past few months was having to cancel on Bakugo. Midoriya kept wanting to hang out more. I felt bad that he was upset, so I couldn't bring myself to refuse.

Bakugo always seemed ok with it, to my surprise. However, he started to hang out with Kirishima very often. It's his life, and he also deserved to hang out with his friends. But, there was always this feeling at the bottom of my heart, near my stomach every time I saw them together. I didn't know what it was, it was just always there. 

Midoriya wanted to hang out again today, but, that meant I had to cancel on Bakugo again. Why'd he want to hang out today? It was cold outside, since it was nearing December. The trees were stripped of their leaves, the ground has turned less and less green. Where did Midoriya plan on going?

I turned my head to see Bakugo and Kirishima walking into the living room. "Its now or never" I thought.

I walked over to Bakugo and Kirishima, clenching my fist nervously. "Hey Bakugo!" I called out, walking faster. "I need to ask you something" I finished as  arrived in front of them

"Let me guess", the blonde said, closing his eyes. "You 'need to take a raincheck' on our meet up again don't you?" He asked, pinching the bridge of his nose

"Y-yeah", I stuttered, rubbing the back of my neck. He threw his head up to face the ceiling, and swallowed. When his head finally returned to face me, he took a deep breath before speaking again.

"I told you already, but I guess I'll do it again. I'm ok with it. It's your life. Do what you want" he said

"Thanks, I promise I'll make it up to you" I said. "Mhm, whatever you say IcyHot" he murmured rolling his eyes.

Bakugo's POV

IcyHot walked away after cancelling, yet another, hang out session. Kirishima  turned to me and looked at me with his eyebrows furrowed, and his lips pursed.

"What" I asked him. "Why are you looking at me like that?!" I continued, sort of annoyed

"Why do you keep telling him its ok? You know its not, you know it hurts you!" he replied, sounding concerned. "Because, what does it matter how I feel?!" 

"I mean, he obviously has something for Deku, I don't know what it is, but its there. And I sure as hell know, that it doesn't matter how I feel, because he has Deku"

"Bakugo..." Kirishima said, placing a hand on my shoulder sympathetically "Look, I know how you feel about Todoroki, but the world doesn't revolve around him. I mean, you're an amazing person, with or without him" He finished

"Tch, don't you think I know that, geez" I shot back. "Look, I'm tired, so Im going to go rest" I said, pulling myself away from his hand. I rushed to my dorm and slammed the door behind me.

I threw myself onto my bed, removed my clothes, and changed. I slumped back in my bed and turned. I wasn't lying. I really was physically and mentally tired. So, I bought my knees up to my chest unconsciously, and drifted off to sleep

Three Hours later: 8:00 PM (Or 20:00, I guess)

I woke up, groggily, and sighed. I sat up in my bed and eased my feet into my slippers. I rubbed my eyelids and walked to the bathroom. I stood in front of the mirror and stared at myself. I ran a comb through my hair to try and tame it. I re-brushed my teeth before heading back to the room. I put on my black T- shirt and camp sweatpants

I stalked out of my room and into the living area. No one was there, guess they're all doing something else. I then walk into the kitchen to grab a snack.

On my way back, I passed IcyHot's dorm, and nearly tripped over an object on the floor. I looked down to see a wallet. "Who the hell would be dumb enough to lose their wallet?" I thought

"Don't tell me it was IcyHot" I thought as I chuckled . I knocked on the door, because I planned on returning the damn thing. "Come in!" I heard half n' half yell from inside. I turned the doorknob, still looking at the wallet in my hand. "Oi, IcyHot, I think you dropped something out here..."

Todoroki's POV

I stood up frantically when I saw Bakugo in my dorm. He knocked, but I didn't know it was him. "Actually, Kaachan, I think thats mine" Midoriya said, pausing our game, oblivious to the situation we were in.

"O-oh" he stuttered and swallowed. "Well, really Deku, theres two of you and you still lost your wallet?" He chuckled out. I could tell he was bothered. I mean, I ditched him, only to do the same thing with Midoriya.

He hastily turned on his heels and headed for the doorway, and beyond, his dorm. But I couldn't leave the situation as it was. Unexplained 

I ran to catch up to Bakugo. I reached him at the kitchen, and grabbed his wrist. "Bakugo, please, let me explain" He yanked his wrist out of my reach "Explain, what?! What is there to explain? I don't care what you do with your life!"

"Bakugo, you know that's not true", I said sternly as I grabbed his shoulders. "OK, fine, lets say I do care, what's it to you? I mean how is how I feel, affecting you?!" He replied, hostility evident in his voice

"Bakugo, I care about you, a lot. So can just you tell me whats going on" I pleaded trying to get an answer from the blonde"Nothings going on" he sighed. "Stop lying to me

"Just leave me alone!" He screamed before marching off back to his dorm. 'Damn in' I scowled, mentally kicking myself, I can't believe I just let him go like that.

Bakugo's POV

I raced back to my dorm, and once I reached it, I looked back ti make sure he didn't follow me. I opened the door shakily, and ran into my room. I collapsed onto my bed and started crying uncontrollably. I grabbed at my hair, whilst gasping for air.

It was hard to breath. You know, with tears flowing from my eyes non-stop. I cried for at least an hour before finally calming down. I walked into the bathroom for the third time that day. I rubbed my red, puffy eyes. And stared at myself in the mirror. I swear everyday, I look a little bit worse.

I fidgeted around with drawers and cabinets, opening them, looking for tissues, or something to calm my eyes. I didn't find them. Instead, in the bottom drawer, what I did find was a blade. My blade. The blade I had promised Todoroki to stop using.

At first, it took me a while to stop. The sensation of the pain was calming. Therapeutic, if you will. I never fully stopped, I couldn't. But Todoroki's promises. Mine to him, and his to me. The thought of them made me hold back. But this isn't one of those stories. A person has self harming habits until they meet someone. And then they stop.

If only it were that simple. I mean sure I promised. To try. I can't just stop something that brings me an escape from the pain. Its the same for everyone. It's not just a habit, its like my best friend. One of the only things that understands.

'Heh, I shouldn't of promised to stop if I knew I couldn't'. I thought and chuckled. I looked at the knife, and picked it up. I bought up the piece of shiny metal. I admired how it glistened in the light of the bathroom. Then, I held it up to my wrist. 

But if he doesn't keep his promises, why should I?

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Hey, I posted again. Yay! I still suggest you subscribe to my Youtube, because I can't always post on here. I'm also going to edit and fix some old chapters.