The Summer at Camazotz

Eighteen

The whole process of walking to the mess hall and picking out what to eat for breakfast feels like a blur. I spend the whole time in my head, thinking about what Timothy said, about last night and what happened between Jordan and I. I know now that it's real—it actually happened—but the smallest part of me is still doubting. I hardly notice how I instinctively walk over the buffet to grab my food or that I choose eggs, toast, and sausage. I come back to reality as I scoop the food onto my plate and frown slightly. I never get sausage; I always get bacon. But Jordan is a big sausage fan and my plate is looking a lot like his.

"Carter? Are you okay?"

I turn to my left where Astrid is looking at me with concerned eyes. Her hair is pulled back, out of her face in a high ponytail; not one hair out of place. I notice the small bags under her eyes and wonder if something's been keeping her up at night.

"Yeah," I say, clearing my throat. "Just got lost in my head, I guess."

Before she can say anything else I pick up my plate and head over to our table, slipping into the seat next to Tammy who is already there. We exchange good mornings and dig into our breakfasts.

Astrid follows close behind, tossing me a sceptical look as she sits down, but I ignore it. She takes a bite of her toast and starts up a conversation with Tammy about how she felt bad using her as a personal pillow last night.

I listen to them talk, not really hearing what they're saying and pause as a glass is pushed toward me. I look up at Jordan's vibrant green eyes as he sits down across from me.

"You forgot your juice," he says.

I realize that I did in fact forget to pour myself a glass of cranberry juice and blush at my mistake. I mumble a thanks and avert my eyes, suddenly very insecure under Jordan's gaze. I can feel him watching me closely, as if I'm a science experiment that might erupt.

"You're staring," I tease.

Jordan hums in response. Then, he leans across the table and whispers, "I couldn't help but notice there's sausage on your plate instead of bacon. If that's what you wanted, you could've told me."

My face heats up and he pulls back, laughing to himself.

Astrid looks over and shakes her head. "Can you guys not be all over each other for one second? It's like watching a cheesy romcom, but in real life."

Tammy takes a sip of her juice and places the glass down carefully. "Too bad there's no room we can lock you in. You'll have to manage your. . . urges some other way."

Jordan and I are both now very much blushing at the accusation. I exclaim, "Tammy!" at the same time he says, "Too far, oh my God."

Tammy and Astrid have burst out laughing and can barely control their breathing. Some kids look over, confused as to what's going on, but lose interest within seconds and resume their conversations.

When they finally start to breathe normally again, Tammy gives us an innocent smile, eyes still shiny with unshed tears. "I'm obviously kidding, but seriously. It's about time you two got over whatever fight you were in. Astrid and I felt like we were walking on eggshells around you guys."

Astrid nods in agreement and folds her arms across the table. "I was afraid the bromance was over before it could really even start."

Jordan rolls his eyes, but a smile is peaking out from behind his angry facade. "Nice to know you two gossip about us when you're alone."

"Don't flatter yourself."

I pick up my fork and continue eating my eggs, hunger now overpowering any interest in taking part in this conversation.