Him and I

XLII

I felt numb.

Literally numb.

I haven't eaten anything in the past few days, haven't closed an eye, haven't spoke to anyone.

Not since Isaac and I woke up in a puddle of blood. We knew this pregnancy wasn't gonna be a normal one, but losing a child, even when it isn't born yet, the pain that comes with it is unbearable.

Isaac and I rushed to the hospital that night, not sure what to expect, but I knew what time it was. Everything hurt, I couldn't say anything out of shock. Doctor Phillips checked all the things she possibly could check, her conclusion was a miscarriage because of a disfunction in my body, caused by my family genes.

She told me the chances of getting pregnant ever again were very slim, but I couldn't do anything about it. Still it felt like there was something wrong with me, that this was all my fault, I could never give anyone kids, ever. The feeling of taking that away from someone hurts a fucking lot.

Isaac tried to make me feel better, though, he feels the exact way as I do. He started crying as soon as we heard the news, he didn't stop for hours until his tears all dried out.

I didn't cry, I went completely numb. I don't wanna feel shit anymore, not right now.

"Willow," There was a knock at my door. "Can I come in?"

I didn't answer, but the door still opened. "I got you pancakes." Chris said, carefully sitting down on the bed. I looked at him, slowly sitting up. "How are you feeling?"

I shrugged, him handing me the plate, or at least putting it on front of me. "Isaac's coming up in a few, so you guys can talk." He said. "I know you don't want to, but it's really important for the both of you, alright?"

I still didn't answer him, earning a small sigh. "I'll leave you alone now," He said, getting up again. As soon as he left the room, I pushed away the plate, laying back down. The door opened and closed again, Isaac entering. He didn't say anything, moving the plate to my nightstand as he crawled into the bed with me. He pulled me closer to him, making me put my head on his chest. His breathing was uneven, his eyes closed, muscles tense, he didn't seem like himself. "Isaac?" I asked and he hummed. "Are you okay?"

"No." He simply answered, not opening his eyes. "You?"

"No." I said, tears welling up in my eyes for the first time since four days ago, the day it happened. "Then we'll not be okay together." He said, putting his arms tighter around me. I closed my eyes, hugging him back. "You should eat something," Isaac said, his eyes open now. "And then sleep, I'll stay with you."

I slumped, shaking my head. "I can't."

"You should, just a little bit at a time." He said, moving to take the plate. "Here," He said, cutting a piece off the pancake, pushing the fork towards my mouth. I tried to chew it, but my stomach didn't allow me. "I really can't."

"Only this bite," He said. "Please?"

With all I could, I started chewing again, closing my eyes, trying not to throw up. "Okay, see? Not that bad." He said, tugging my hair behind my ear. I leaned onto him again, closing my eyes. "You should eat, too." I said and he pulled me as close as he could. "I've eaten."

I didn't know how long it had been, but when I woke up, Isaac wasn't laying in my bed anymore, the sun was shining trough the window. I quickly sat up, looking around the room for any sign of him. "Isaac?" I asked, not really sure what to do now. The plate with pancakes had been taken away, so I'm assuming he had gone downstairs. The door of my bedroom suddenly opened, Isaac returning. "Oh, I thought you'd still be sleeping."