A Real Nigga's Love

Imani

This isn't edited. Please bare with me, my first book. I'm a bit depressed and using this as my therapy. 

Waking up this morning hearing Tony music playing on max. Here we are again another day of this. I got up and took care of my hygiene, then heading downstairs to see about this music. Having to be at class in another hour and then work after I needed all the sleep I could get. But my boyfriend Tony doesn't look at things that way. Tony feels like my dreams are a waste of time and that I needed to quit so that he could be the man of the household. I didn't understand it but that is what we normally get into a fight about. 

See Tony didn't want to chase his college dreams after his favorite cousin passed away. The grew up like brothers and did everything together. Tony's cousin had over 20 offers to D1 colleges before he was killed. Tony also had many offers as well. Tony just didn't take any of them. He wanted revenge and he loved the streets, the streets just didn't love him back. Tony was one of the lieutenant of "Bag Boys Gang" (BBG). Selling dope wasn't what I wanted for my man to do. That there was another one our issues. Tony didn't dreams are to be the biggest kingpin in the A. Where did I go wrong. 

I want all these things in life and his way of having dreams is to slang drugs. 

"Tony why do you have the music so loud? You know I got class and then work" yelling over the music. This fool had coke on the table and it was a damn party down here at fucking 8 in the morning. I'm surprised our daughter Kenya didn't wake up. I don't need her to see this. 

"Bitch why the fuck are you questioning me in my house?" Tony slurred walking towards me. 

I knew I should of got us dressed and just left out. Here we go with the bullshit. Sadly I can fight but not against Tony and these drugs. Tony had bitches in the house and damn near the whole BBG. I was pissed. 

Smack!! Tony went across my face with the back of his hand. "You can get the fuck out if there is a damn problem. I don't give a fuck about you having shit to do. Them yo fucking dreams not mines. I'm handling business down here so next time stay yo ass upstairs." Tony yelling while everyone is looking at us. 

Tony's right hand man Cory looking at me with sympathy in his eyes. Little did he know I hated them all.

See, this has been ongoing for Tony and I. After I had our now 4 year old daughter Kenya he felt like he can dog and treat me any kind of way. I would fight back on my best days. But lately its like I never win. Tony out there fucking and chasing hoes, while quote on quote "chasing a bag". He didn't care if I knew that's why I stopped bring shit up to him. I thought he was the one, but then things went left. 

I met Tony my last year of high school. I was still dealing with the heart break from my first love. Tony had came around and giving me the best uplifting in my life at the time. I was on my way home from the mall on the bus. That's how we met. 

"I should of left his ass on that bus" thinking to myself. 

"Hi pretty, how you doing?" Tony asked. 

"Fine and you?" 

"I'm doing good, since we got this long bus ride back to the city let me get to know you. What's your name?" 

"My name is Imani and right now I'm good on getting to know anyone. But thank you."

"Shawty don't miss your blessings, dwelling on a fuck nigga. I only want to talk to you. After this ride we don't have to see each other again."

We talked the whole ride back to the city. After that we went our separate ways. I saw him a few months later on that same ride and at that point I gave him my number. I felt like I needed to get away from the heart break and give him a chance. We could be friends. 

Now look at me. Dealing with my second heart break and this one is physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive. 

Snapping out of the past, I walked upstairs and went into the bathroom. I had to make sure I was okay to go into Kenya's room. I didn't want her to see us like this. Tony had too much going on around our child. Well my child because he acts like she don't exist. 

"Good Morning ChinaDoll wake up." I called out to Kenya. ChinaDoll was a name my uncle gave me when I was younger. Since I don't see my family much because they live back home in Chicago. I gave the nickname to Kenya. She was so beautiful and looked like a black ChinaDoll. 

Grabing ChinaDoll out of her bed with her clothes in hand. I took us to our bedroom. Not realizing the door was cracked. There was Tony in our bed with one of the females from downstairs. Taking Kenya back to her room placing her on the bed. I went to the room Tony is fucking in. Grabbed what I needed took a shower in the guest bathroom. Got Kenya ready and left. 

Driving off in my car tears just began to fall. 

"Why do I deserve this life? Why am I not good enough to be loved the right way? How could I left another man come in and break me as if I wasn't already broken enough?" crying through every question. 

Looking at Kenya through the mirror, she just a smiling. I knew I needed to do better. I'm losing myself more and more everyday. I just don't know how to let go. I wanted me and Tony to work, but after all I've been through how could we. How could we move forward.

Dropping Kenya off to school. I road to class deep in thought. 

This can't be love! Why do they call this love? 

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Chapter 1 (1066 words) 

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