NXT 2 U [Minsung AU]

-12- Insomnia

~POV Minho~

After ten minutes of frantic walking, I finally arrived at my apartment, my mind totally confused. My uncle wasn't there, which was for me a true blessing. Anger burning inside me, I slammed my bedroom door, locked it and threw my bag in a room corner, before running a twitchy hand through my hair.

Damn it...

The more I tried to breathe calmly, the more I was running out of air. I was replaying the scene in my head over and over again, always coming to the same conclusion: I deserved to be hated. I deserved him to hate me. Anyway, it was necessarily the case now.

Honestly... what an asshole I was... the kind of asshole who bit the hand of the person who had helped him... the kind of asshole who, instead of thanking that person, treated him like shit in the middle of the street... I deserved to be beaten up.

Furious with myself, I crushed my fist against a wall, insensitive to pain. Having physical pain was nothing compared to the filthy bitterness filling my mouth since I had told him all that crap. Physical pain anaesthetized me. It helped me to forget. It had always had that power. When I focused on it, my rage would dissipate. But today, it doesn't work...

Fuck... Deep down, it was clear.

I didn't bear to hear such a hurtful truth. I didn't stand him trying to understand me. I didn't stand he could really be so different.

Labelled from childhood as a kid who would turn out badly anyway, chased by those damn rumors, I had quickly understood nobody would offer me a hand, even less for free. I had learned to manage by myself, no matter the price to pay. I had learned not to care about anything around me. I didn't want anyone's help. I didn't trust anyone. I didn't need anyone. That's why his words and attitude made me so angry.

Why this so-called desire to help me when we hardly knew each other? Why did he lie so much? Why did he want to make me dependent on something I had lived without for so long?

That was twisted, but I didn't want him to be honest. I didn't want to feel affection for something I was going to lose later. Because it was inevitable. Once he learned the truth, he would despise me and I didn't want to live with that sword of Damocles over my head. So, I had been a coward. Out of fear of the unknown, fear he would reject me, I had rejected him first. The best defense was attack... it was well known.

Did I have another choice?

"Don't blame yourself... Don't blame yourself..."

Lying on my bed, I was staring at the ceiling, repeating this to myself over and over again like a pray. Pain was stabbing in my hand. My throat was tight. As often, as always, I was cold. For the first time in years, I could feel a tear running down from my eye corner when usually, I didn't even feel them...

Stupid squirrel...

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🌘

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The next day, Tuesday, November 3.

"Have you heard about what happened yesterday with Gitae and Hwang?" 😱

"You're talking about that story with the new teacher?" 😮😮😮

"They were in detention, you believe it?!" 😲