The Profound Bond | Destiel Oneshots

Purgatory Prayers

Spoilers for season 8, and the season 7 finale episode. 

WARNING: angst and sad stuff -- you know that scene by the stream? yeah, that one. Also some head-canon mixed with canon. (I'm re-watching season 8 and i'm going completely fucking bananas.)

Rating: PG-13, some strong language and some graphic(-ish) kissing

"Cas, where are you?" I asked, looking up at the starless black sky of Purgatory. "It's been a week or so. Can you come back, please?"

I dropped my gaze to the forest around me, searching for that trench coat, but finding nothing there. Just the howling of werewolves and the red eyes of monsters creeping in closer. I held my knives close, hugging them to my chest like they were my only life line -- because without him, they were. I prayed every night, hoping he could hear me, hoping he was still alive, just -- hoping, hoping desperately.

 "Castiel," I started the next night, kneeling because that always felt more appropriate than standing around talking to myself. "I know you're out there -- I'm not mad you left, I get it, just -- please, just, come back. I could use your help." 

I looked up, into the black abyss that was the sky before drifting into a light sleep. I kept my knives close, clenching the handles in my fists. I might've even cried, but I don't remember all that well. (That's a lie. I can't ever forget.)

It was about six months in, after hundreds of battles, killing monster after monster, searching the vast forest of Purgatory, asking only one question: "Where is the angel?"

Most refused to say anything, or simply didn't know. The ones who did know though, they were snarky and cocky and thought that a puny human couldn't kill them. They were already dead, so I could see how they arrived at that conclusion. But I killed them all. 

Except one. Benny. I didn't really like him at first, but he grew on me. He saved my life, too, a few times, so that helped to get me to trust him. He heard me pray some nights, and I knew he wanted to ask, but he didn't. He didn't push. 

"Cas, please, just let me know you're alive," I was laying down now, huddled close in on myself and still clutching to the idea that he was alive. He never answered my calls, but I could feel that he was still around. Listening.

"Your friend," Benny whispered to me. "He's an angel?"

I nodded. "We came here together after ganking this dick Levi named Dick." I chuckled to myself. "He just kinda -- we got here and he disappeared the first night. Haven't seen him in months."

I tried not to sound too sad, but Benny placed a sympathetic hand on my shoulder. "It's alright, brother. We'll find him. I just know it."

"I hope you're right," I whispered back. Then I turned away and covered my face, to finish my prayer. "You better still be alive, you son of a bitch."

I looked around, like I always did, hoping he'd be standing there waiting for me. He wasn't, so I settled into a restless sleep. I dreamed about him, seeing what I hoped would be our reunion. I gave him a hug and he said he was sorry and we got out of this damned place together, just like how we arrived. Except this time, we had Benny, too.

I felt a smile twitch at my lips, but the only thing I really wanted -- the only one I wanted was just at the edges, listening.

-

I saw him, at the edge of the stream, right where that mutt said he'd be, crouched down and wiping his face with the water. For the first time in a year, I felt the happiness bubble in my stomach and rise up into my face. Into a smile. "Cas!" I yelled.