[ON GOING] All Of Me 18+ Only (Book 3 of Lastor series) #Wattys2020

Chapter 29

I laid against Rick in the tub, his careful ministrations as he washed me bringing me calm and soothing my aching body. The water was too warm but I didn't mind because it made him more tangible to me somehow, in a way the numbing cold couldn't.

I was more exhausted than I ever was while I was tending to a war after my afternoon with Rick. If I hadn't passed out at some point, I think he might have fúcked me into my grave. Waking up to him frantically cradling me in the shower and pleading for me to wake up had more or less rendered my efforts to calm him moot.

"Are you sure you're not hurt anywhere?" he mumbled ruefully. "Your ribs, did I strain them? I really should examine you properly."

I chuckled, opening my eyes half-way. "I think you dislocated my pelvis, but I'll be fine. Don't worry."

He frowned. "I'm sorry. I got carried away."

"No. I love it when you lose control," I teased, sliding my palms along his thighs. "It's so fúcking satisfying to be mercilessly devoured by you."

He laughed, pressing his face to the side of my head. "What is it with this house? Every time we're here, I go crazy over you."

"I thought it was my doing?" I mumbled, feigning dismay.

He snorted, biting my ear lightly. "Most of it."

I shifted, laying chest to chest with him and wrapping my arms around his waist. "We should talk, yeah?"

He sighed, leaning back and tilting his head back as he pushed his hands through his wet hair. "I'm not gonna beg, Angel."

"I can't just leave with the way things are," I murmured, resting the side of my head on his chest. "It's just not about Father. Jude... he's fallen apart. If I don't do something about it, I don't think I can forgive myself."

"I get that," he conceded. "But you know better than anyone else, you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. You'll just end up suffering."

"That never stopped him from staying with me," I said softly, stroking my fingers along his spine. "And that never stopped you from loving me either."

"I know my argument doesn't hold up," he relented. "And it's selfish of me to not care about what's happening to him, but I can't let myself if it's going to risk me losing you."

"It won't," I assured him. "You won't lose me."

"You always say that and every time you go, you come back to me with less of you." I lifted my head but he was still facing the ceiling. "I'm tired of it, Angel. I love you but I'm so... fúcking... tired." He leveled his head to look at me, letting out a shaky breath. "I know what I signed up for. I knew I would need to deal with a lot and make compromises that I won't like. I was willing to accept everything and do the work because I love you and I want a life with you but, baby, not this way. Not this kind of life."

I took a deep breath, letting it out steadily. "Don't break my heart, Rick," I said as panic took a grip of my chest.

He pursed his lips, shaking his head as he brushed his fingers against my cheek. "It's not fair. You break my heart all the time but I still keep falling in love with you," he murmured in dismay. "For those short and rare moments that I know you're with me, that you're my Angel, I'm the happiest man in the world, but then you do things that break my heart again and I'm so tired of picking up the pieces. Not because it's hard to deal with, but because you take for granted the fact that it's hard for me."

As he spoke, I felt as if I was being dragged underwater, the gravity of his words feeling like cinder blocks tied to my ankles. I was so exhausted. My body ached all over. The anxiety wouldn't subside. All the stress that had been accumulating ever since I returned was reaching a tipping point and I just... I couldn't keep it all in anymore as my tears fell against my will.