Trichotillomania (Hair Pulling)
I've acquired the need to pull my hair.
An anxiety tick I don't understand
Is it fear? Is it a need to change?
Something that's too close to bear?
I haven't been the same lately
Focused on what isn't
Instead of what could be
Stop hoping and dreaming
Brcause I'm trying to find the meaning
Of this disconnected feeling
I have within me.
And with each knot I try to untangle
I feel guilty that it's there in the first place
The inability to maintain
A decent way to be okay
With how I feel
So I deal with escapism
With what's unreal
Because it's okay not to feel
The ache in my chest
That says "you haven't healed yet"
From the stress of an unwanted job
And the left turns I've always made
From arguments that have caused
Panic within me
Making me unable to breathe
But clinging for mercy to
Just let me be me
My hair is falling.
I'm losing confidence
But I still mentally dance
To the rythym of routine
Which is now eating away at me
Slowly in clumps of dark brown 4C
I need some conditioning
Nourishment. Tender love and care
Deep treatment.
Something that has not been there.
And I'm scared of a difference
because the difference
Means to restart. To reset.
When too much damage has been made
Stripping me away
As I stare at the carpet
Surrounding my feet with nothing
But bits and pieces of me
I internally weep.
Because this is a new level
Of self damaging
That needs to be understood
And dealt with
I need to start again with scissors
In hand.. in need of renewal
Snip Snip Snip
