Retrofit

PROLOGUE

Trigger warning: pregnancy loss

---

SEVEN YEARS AGO

It all started with a scream piercing through the silence of the early morning.

Aga woke up to the sight of his wife sat up in bed with her hand clutched against her abdomen, her face contorted in pain.

He's beside her in seconds, his shaking hands on her shoulders as he figured out what is wrong. She couldn't even talk through the pain.

"Lei, anong nangyari?" He tried to coax out an answer from her but all she managed was a whimper.

"Halika, we'll bring you to the hospital." He quickly helped her to get up. He managed to grab his car keys and put on his jeans before helping his wife off the bed.

"Dahan-dahan." He instructed her as he led them down the stairs. "Kaya mo ba?"

Lea just nodded in return, going down the steps slowly, her hands in a tight grip against her husband's arm.

When they reached the bottom of the stairs, Aga decided to just carry his wife to car to not waste any more time. She was clearly in pain and they needed to be at the hospital as soon as possible.

"Ate Lorna, pakibukas ng gate!" He called out to their helper who was already rushing out front as he ushered his wife to the passenger seat.

"Kailangan ko dalhin si Lea sa ospital, kayo na muna bahala dito." He told Lorna who nodded in return, already standing by the opened gate.

He got himself on the driver seat quickly, turned his hazard lights on and sped through the driveway as he willed himself to hold back his tears while his wife moaned in pain beside him.

It felt like hours have passed-even though he was sure that it had only been minutes-when they finally reached the emergency room.

He motioned for the hospital staff to get them a wheelchair as he went around to help Lea out of the car.

"Her name is Azalea Mendoza, 36. She woke up with extreme abdominal pain this morning." He told the attending as they settled her through one of the cots in the emergency room.

What happened next was a blur of activities. Medical personnel went in and out to check on her. She was taken for an ultrasound and before he knew it, he was brought aside to sign forms, as her doctor told him that his wife needed to be brought to surgery.

"Ectopic pregnancy." Her doctor explained. "Imbes na sa uterus tumubo yung baby nyo, nanatili siya sa fallopian tube where it grew too big, causing it to burst."

Aga just nodded, dazed, he didn't know what to think. He didn't even know Lea was pregnant. Did she know?

He spent his time waiting at the hospital chapel, sobbing, praying for the safety of his wife and mourning the loss of a child they could have had.

---

Everything changed after Lea woke up from the surgery and she found out about what happened. She herself didn't know that she was pregnant. She blamed herself and Aga couldn't do anything to convince her otherwise.

"Lei, kain ka na." He coaxed, holding a bowl of soup towards her.

"'Di ako gutom." She insisted for what probably is the  fourth time that day.

He put back the soup on the tray with a sigh. He was about to get off from his chair beside her when he suddenly felt her hand grabbing his arm.

"How can you do this? How can you sit there and not blame me for losing our baby?"

A tear fell from her eye. He turned his hand against her grip and cradled her smaller ones between his.

"Why would I? Hindi mo kasalanan ang nangyari. And from what I know about your situation, whether you knew about it or not, wala kang magagawa. Hindi mo kontrolado ang nangyari."

"We've been wanting to have a baby for 5 years now tapos nung nabuntis nga ako, hindi ko naman nabuhay." She weeped.

"Hindi mo kasalanan, Lei. I don't blame you." He searched her eyes, willing her to see the sincerity in his, wanting her to believe that he meant every word he said.

He didn't really know what response to expect from her, but his wife dropping her head and avoiding his gaze was not it.

"Babes, look at me." He pleaded, but she only shook her head.

He dropped a kiss on her hand that he was holding before letting it fall back to the bed in defeat.

"Bili lang ako kape sa labas." He told her before he rose from his chair and kissed her forehead.

When he got out the door, tears fell and he tried to wipe them off as he searched the hallway for a secluded space.

What he didn't know was that back inside the hospital room, his wife also cried the moment she was alone.

---

Lea's recovery was difficult, not because of physical reasons but more of emotional ones.

Aga's wife acted strangely ever since she lost their baby. She rarely talked to him and she spent most of her time at work or locked up in her home office. She refused to let him help and even shut down his suggestion of seeing a therapist.

"Lea, nawalan din ako. It was my baby, too. But there's nothing we could do. I already lost a child, don't make me lose my wife as well." He begged but she had become impenetrable. She had blocked herself off in her own world and put up walls between them. They still slept in the same bed but they felt like they were worlds apart. His words, his touch, couldn't get through to her anymore.

Seeing his wife slowly detach herself from him was almost as painful as finding out he lost a child and so he did what he had to do to cope.

He buried himself in his work. He came home late, spending most of his time doing things in his work office rather than at home like he used to. He rarely saw his wife and during the times he did, they barely said a word to each other.

They went on like that for over a year, Aga occasionally trying draw his wife back in while she blocked off all his attempts.

As the days passed, they went further and further from mending until one day he just found himself at their door with a suitcase in hand while Lea stared at him with uncertain eyes.

He didn't want to do it. He still loved her. One word from her and he would have ran back and wrapped her in his arms forever.

A tear escaped her eye but she refused to say a word.

That day, he walked out of their home and from her life and never came back.