Observant

Chapter 2: Goodbyes and new beginnings.

I wanted to be as comfortable as possible so l wore grey sweat pants, a matching grey oversized hoodie and white sneakers.

I'm not in the mood to care about first impressions and it's not the first official day so I'm still safe.

Leaving Queenswood wasn't as easy as l thought it would be.

I'm leaving behind all the memories made and moments shared with people l care about. It's actually quite sweet that my whole family came with to drop me off at university. I sigh at the thought of the 5 hour drive ahead of us.

I start reminiscing about all the good times I've had at Yellowwood mall as we drive past it. Thuli's birthday lunch. The annual movies under the starts and my first kiss at the SK cinema. It was nice while it lasted.

The whole concept of leaving everything you know behind and starting a whole new life with new people in a different surrounding is overwhelming, now that l think about it.

But I've been looking forward to this day my whole matric year. I've been dreaming and wondering what university will be like.

The kind of people I'll meet and make friends with and finally find out whether everything the movies portray about university is actually true.

We drive past my favourite bakery and my high school. I'm starting to think my dad is driving by all these places to get me to change my mind about going to a university that is so far instead of the one that's just 30km away. There's no way I'm going to give my parents a reason to randomly visit me unannounced. I love them but no.

The Blouberg mountains and forest are probably the most beautiful things I've seen in my whole life.

When we're driving at the top of the mountain all you can see is an expanse of greenery with different types of forest trees.
Forest Mahogany, Pine, Waterberry and the list goes on. There's also a view of farms, one can see the rows of citrus trees carefully planted and arranged in the distance and the sea of rooibos tea bushes.

Not no forget that sweet smell of Pine as we drive by. This place is truly magical.

A long 5 and a half hours later we arrive at my new home.

University of Arlington, Rosa House; the residence for engineering students. I'm a bit nervous as to what lies ahead of me. I still can't help but imagine senarios that can happen, me going to parties, getting drunk, trying out weed, meeting a new guy, finding love. I know these thoughts are cheesy but l can't help but wonder if the Hollywood portrayal of University is actually true, if it is just a fantasy or an exaggeration of the truth.

I'm excited and nervous at the same time.
Looking around, this seems like a good place to call home even though It's buzzing with people going in and out of the building, excited first year students registering upon their arrival and older students signing in.

I take a moment to get to look around and get used to my surroundings.

Rosa House is a tall face brick building with 4 pillars in front. There's a beautiful garden of white roses and yellow daises in front of the building and a long white rose bush lining the walkway from the parking lot to the entrance.

Looking at all of this gives me a feeling serenity.

I head inside the building and go to the reception.
The inside of the building has a rustic feel. There's even a bouquet with a mixture of tropical flowers including lilies, my favourite. You can see the common room from the reception; there's a vending machine, a pool table and a couple of couches surrounding a tv.

"Hi I'm Kagiso-Dylan and I'm a first year student." I said boldly to the receptionist.

I don't know why but, I suddenly felt a burst of confidence, it could be me finally adjusting to the university life and me being independent. I don't know where the sudden change came from, but l like it.

"Hi, welcome to Rosa House. May l get your surname please." The receptionist replied.

"It's Mkhize."

The receptionist found my name and looked for the keys to my new room, room 109. I opted for the sharing room because I didn't want to be completely isolated. At least with a roommate l can make a new friend l can go exploring with and finally experience real freedom.

I go back to the car where my family was waiting, we each grab an item of my luggage and we go back into the building.

My room is on the 5th floor. As l open the door I'm greeted by a tall and nerdy looking girl. I like her 90s retro dress style. She's wearing a vintage graphic shirt, baggy jeans and sneakers. I can already tell we will be good friends.

"Hey I'm Palesa." She greeted.

"Hi I'm Kagiso-Dylan, but you can call me KD."

The room is smaller than I'd expected it to be.

My mom helps me unpack my bedding and set my bed. All l want to do right now is take a nap and recover from the long drive.

We finish setting my bed and l leave unpacking my clothes for later.

We all leave my room and go outside towards the car to say our goodbyes. I'm really going to miss them but l need this fresh start.

I hug each one of them goodbye. My mom was on the verge on bursting into tears but l could tell that she was trying hard to prevent herself from crying.

They hesitantly leave and l go back to my room to go and break the ice with my new roommate.

Next thing l hear, "All first years to head to the matrix immediately!"

What's going on? Where's the matrix? And why are they using a speaker phone to tell us all of this instead of just talking to us like normal people?

Wait is this initiation? So unnecessary.

These words keep being repeated and next thing l know, a couple of older looking girls burst through the door and yell at us telling us to go downstairs to the matrix.

I have no idea where the matrix is. I'm assuming it's the common room l saw earlier on.

"This is the first day of initiation. The matrix is the common room downstairs." Palesa said.

"Aren't you coming with?"
"No I'm in second year, I've already been through this." She giggles

"Really? Okay."

I quickly grab a jacket in case this takes forever. I'm already drained and running around just because a couple of seniors said so isn't making anything better.

*

13 August 2010

Dear diary

"I didn't make it. I'm sad that l couldn't make it into modelling agency of my dreams. I guess this is what disappointment feels like."

I keep reading further and it's sad seeing the disappointment l went through when l was younger. I guess these type of things happen to teach one to be stronger and not need validation from other people. Or feel the need to fit in.

Looking back, l somehow thought that modelling for True Beauty would make me feel prettier or make me fit in with girls that were considered to be cool.

I later on realised that l needed to accept myself because needing other people's validation only brought me disappointment and misery when l didn't get it.

I didn't realise all of this after getting rejected by my only hope of instant popularity.

I realised this after taking some time to accept, love and appreciate myself because no one else will do so in the way that you deserve. Because when you feel completion and wholeness within yourself, you'll know that you don't need other people to establish your self worth.