behind the spotlight [NEEDS EDITING]

Chapter 19 music

After Maria left I can’t get myself together. Bella kept talking, saying things I don’t give a fuck about. But my body was burning from the guilt and regret. My heart knows I lost Maria for real this time. There is no coming back! The thought of that is killing me.

Bella: “make up sex?”

she took of her crop top exposing her erected nipples. She sit on my lap and started to kiss and lick my neck. I just sit there without moving. She then slide her hand under my shirt.

Abel: “stop Bella!” I pushed her and stand up.

Bella: “I thought…”

Abel: “shut the fuck up! You knew merry was listening to me while I was talking to you, so you purposely make me talk shit about her right? Now she is gone, are you happy?”

Bella: “does it even matter? She is jusy a nobody!”

Abel: “I said shut the fuck up! You know what? Leave! Now!”

I pulled her off the couch and throw her crop top to her half naked body.

Bella: “but...”

Abel: “I said leave!” I said as I continue dragging her out of the house.

Bella: “abel I…” she cried trying to cover her body with her crop top.

Abel: “shush! I don’t want to hear your voice”

I successfully pulled her out of the house and turned back to say one last word.

Abel: “do you what Maria have but you don’t? Everything plus the love she feels for me!”

with that I closed the door and never saw Bella again.

************************************

It been a month since I saw Maria, no one can find her. We looked for her everywhere but there is no trace of her. I even found her mother’s house and her mom said, she came two weeks ago and said it is her last goodbye. What could possibly happen to her? Lamar and I are in ongoing argument every now and then, coz he blame me for her disappearance. I mean I am responsible for it but I am also as hurt as he is, maybe even more. I started doing drugs to kill the pain. And my life was massed up. All I wanted to do is have her by myside.   
I tried to make songs to kill the time and keep me busy,  but every single lyrics I come up with have something to do with her. I was trying to sleep but the loneliness is not letting me so I ended up writing a song.

Alone again

“Take off my disguise
I'm living someone else's life
Suppressing who I was inside
So I throw two-thousand ones in the sky
Together we're alone (together we're alone)
In Vegas I feel so at home (in Vegas I feel so at home)
Falling only for the night
So I throw two-thousand ones in the sky (the sky)
How, how much to light up my star again
And rewire all my thoughts?
Oh baby, won't you remind me what I am?
And break, break my little cold heart
Call me up and I'll send for you
Take me down to your altitude
I don't know if I can be alone again
I don't know if I can sleep alone again (alone again)
Check my pulse for a second time (second time)
I took too much, I don't wanna die
I don't know if I can be alone again
I don't know if I can sleep alone again
Count it up, it's all for you, count it up
Count it up, it's all for you, count it up
I don't know if I can be alone again
I don't know if I can be alone again (alone again)”

After I wrote the first song, I went downstairs to look for more joint. I need to get high. But when I reach downstairs,Lamar was there.

Lamar: “I just want to check on you” I smiled at him.