the shattered life

you are everything

authours note: (this chapter was really hard to write but i hope yall like it !!!)

the next mourning as i was getting ready to go school my phone alerted me to a small email from rainbow:

 hey im going to surpise the girl that i talked about since i didnt see her in school almost all day yesterday and i am worried about her.... wish me luck!!! =D *huggles you!*

 with a smile i replyed back to her email

dark_night44:

ok good luck rainbow!!! *huggles you too* =)

 then after i emailed rainbow i left my room with the knife in my pocket just in case i need it.....  and as i went to the living room i saw my dad asleep... more like past out drunk.. snoring mumbling stuff in Vietnamese i havent seen him since yesterday when he was going out...well at least i wont have to deal with him for a while...... after a quiet breakfast  when i was going to head to the garage to get my bike i heard knocking on the front  door so i opened it and was surprised to see kaci wearing a black jacket with a grey shirt under it and black pants standing in the doorway "hey there zoey!!" kaci said with a beautiful smile "hi.." i said sadly back remembering what happened yesterday at school but then again i dont have a right to be sad  because she drove all the way to my house!! " i thought maybe i could drive you to school? i mean if thats ok with you? of course.." she said nervously "yeah of course its ok... "i said happily.. "awesome!!" she said smiling she then walked me to her car and opened the car door for me and i went in her car and found a white chocolate mocha and a nestle toll house little trouble cookie as she was going in her car she said "i got those for you if you like them..." i smiled and said "yeah those are my favorite thank you so much!!" kacis kindness is not of this world "your welcome sweetie!!" she said sweetly and she put on music

as she started to drive us to school she asked full of concern "what happened to you yesterday? you never showed up at the library..." "ummmmmmm........................... nothing......." i said quietly trying hard not to reach in my pocket for my metal healer as i remembered what happened with the fight with my dad tears streamed down face ruining my make up on my face.. suddenly the car stopped at a random parking lot and within a few seconds she was cradling me in her arms comforting me.. "its ok..... its ok.... im here... sweetie im always going to be here for you ok? its ok........" she softly said in a loving voice before i knew it i was sobbing and she too was crying we sat for what seemed like a moment of timeless eternity.. then we heard her phone alarm sound and she ignored it and continued to be by my side.. i felt horrible that i worried her...... horrible that she was stuck here in a random parking lot..... with me. a worthless nothing.... i have no right to make her worried... i have no right to be cared about... i dont derseve any of it!!!!!!! all i am is nothing!!!!!!!!!!!! even dirt has more value then me!!!!!!!  i repletely said "im sorry.... im sorry.... im sorry... " over and over and over again until someone taped on the window and asked nicely "is everything ok in there?"  she then wiped away her tears and turned around and said "uh... yeah... everything is fine!!!" then with that the person walked away from her car and continued on with their life without giving a second more of their time..

"hey sweetie youre safe now i promise.... i will never hurt you ever... sweetie.... its ok...." she softly said her words filled to max capacity of love and understanding as she turned to me and once again wrapped me up in her arms.. i cried until i had no tears left she and i were in a quiet space of mind untill she asked with concern in her voice "who hurt you?....." i was full of fear... "i..i.. dont know what youre saying...." i replyed back "who hit your face?" she asked full with concern and determination i looked in the mirror at my face and saw that the makeup was almost gone... "what you say to me i will never tell anyone ok? i mean it... it doesnt matter what it is i will never betray your trust ok?" i have to tell her....about my dad..

"you know how when we first met i told you that ive been hurt by aot of people.....well my dad....he.... he punishes me.... ever since i could rememer my dad and my mom allways fought over me... it was like a consistent thing but.. things allways have a way of getting worse when i was a little kid me and my father got into argements that lead him to kick me out of the house but my mom allways stoped him from doing so... he would allways say that my mom was the only reason why i live in the house.. if it werent for her then i would be in the streets with no one to take care of me and in 5th grade i remember asking my older brother something and when he didnt answer me i asked again because i thought that he couldnt hear me for some reason and the next thing i knew my dad pushed me down yelling out "quit asking such stupid questions!!" he got on top of me and slaped my face over and over screaming "this is the only way you learn stupid!!!!!!" my brothers stood there helpless watching him do it...ever since then hes been punsiheing me with his hands and legs i allways thought that this was how other familes were.. i had no way of knowing the difference.. i didnt have alot of friends to compare my way of life with theirs i still dont...  it wasnt until i was a little brave that i asked this random kid in my 6th grade class if their father hit them of course they said no and asked why which then i said "nothing i dont know!!" and laughed it off like it was a joke but... it wasnt... every time i did something wroung i was punished and yelled at called "stupid" "idiot"  threated with choping my arm off with a knife when i would ask my mom why he would do all of this she would tell me that my father grew up in a third world country most of his childhood life and thats how they are... my mom grew up in the united states in Kentucky and my dad grew up in vietnam in  saigon but in the 8th grade of school my little sister was born  and she was perfect to my father... she obeyed him.... she was smart she got all A's in everything.... she exceled in everything that she did my father slowly stopped hitting me only when hes REALLY pissed about me then he hits me.... mostly now he just calls me names like stupid idiot and would say why cant you be normal stupid why cant you be like sammy!!!!" no mattter what i did or do ever i cant be normal like her...   those are some of the main reasons why i hate myself...and some of the reasons why i tried to kill my existance... i absolutely hate myself for being such a worthless stupid idiot!!!! IM WORSER THEN SHIT!!!!! AT LEAST SHIT CAN GROW SOMETHING BEAULTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE NO RIGHT TO EVEN EXIST!!!!!!!!! im worthless!!!!!!!!! WORTHLESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" by the end of what i had said i was already sobbing and kaci was speechless.....