I'm In Trouble Deep

Papa, Don't Preach

"No..." Linda Reagan whispered barely audible. She closed her eyes, gripping the bathroom sink. She didn't want this, not now, not ever, not after... She picked up the stupid stick again and let out a sob.

Linda tried to remember the last time she and Danny had sex.

"Yesterday. It was yesterday, you whore."

So she walked into the bedroom and stared at the wall calendar. Her period was well past due; why hadn't she noticed? Why hadn't she been more careful? What hadn't he been more careful?

Linda needed answers, needed someone to knock some sense into her. She grabbed her car keys and drove into Manhattan.

***********

"Mary?" Linda called as she made her way through the front door.

"In here, dear!"

She walked to the living room, "Mary, can I talk to you?"

"Of course." She scooted on the couch, gathering her needle point. "What's up?"

Linda stared down at her wedding rings, fiddling with the engagement ring. "I... I'm pregnant."

"Oh, Linda, that's great!" Mary's smile immediately faded when she saw her daughter in law looking up, eyes filled with tears ready to fall. "That's not great."

"I don't want it."

Mary was surprised, "you don't... but haven't you and Danny been talking about another one?"

"Danny wants another one. I don't."

"I'm sorry, Linda, but I'm confused. Weeks ago, you were talking abo-"

"Danny was talking about it, I wasn't. I don't want another baby." Linda sniffed, trying to keep the threatening tears to stay in her eyes. "I'm such a terrible person."

"No you're not. You're a great person. Now tell me, why don't you want this baby?" Mary loved babies; she loved anybody's babies- hers, Millie's, Avery's... she was obsessed with babies. She loved her little granddaughter Nicky, and she knew she'd love whatever came next.

As quietly as a mouse, Linda confessed , "I'm scared."

"And you have every right to be. Why are you scared?"

"What if I lose it again? What if I have a miscarriage? Or a still birth like-" She closed her eyes, that was still a touchy subject. It would always be a touchy subject.

Mary wanted to tell her none of that would ever happened, but no one thought Linda's still birth would happen, and it still did.

"You need to talk to Danny about this."

"No!" Linda stood up and turned in a small circle, as if trying to physically get away from the idea. "I can't do that."

"Well, honey, he's going to notice when you start showing."

"But he's going to be mad at me. He's going to tell me I'm stupid and paranoid and I shouldn't be thinking these things."

"Linda, Danny would never call you stupid. You still need to talk about it." She paused, thinking about how to word her next sentence in a way that won't send Linda to the water park.

Linda shook her head, a few tears slipping out of her eyes. She furiously wiped them away, feeling cornered.

"Are you going to keep the baby?" Mary wondered quietly. Even though she lived through the Wade v Roe act, the idea of abortion (legal or not) was still completely foreign to her. Sure, her last two kiddos were unplanned, but she had wanted them.