I'm In Trouble Deep

I've Made Up My Mind

He watched another dart hit the board and fall to the floor. "You're off your game, brother." Joe smiled, seeing victory that night.

It was the next night, Thursday, and Danny had decided to go out with Joe. He didn't need to hear Linda tell him how it was her decision and she could do what she wanted.

Danny only shrugged in response to his brother, picking the dart off the floor.

"Trouble on the home front?"

"You could say that."

Joe sat at their table. "Want to talk about it?"

Danny looked around, as if someone was watching. He sat quickly, "okay, but you have to swear not to tell a single soul, okay?"

"Sure."

"Swear not to tell a single soul."

"I swear not to tell a single soul," Joe chuckled lightly, not aware of the gravity that was about to come. "What's wrong?"

"I think Linda's pregnant. The home test says she is, but her doc wants to wait four more weeks."

"And this is bringing trouble?"

"Linda... wants an abortion."

"What?" Joe shouted loudly, only to have Danny's hand clamp over his mouth. He licked his brother's palm, much to his annoyance.

Danny groaned and wiped his hand on Joe's T-shirt. "That's disgusting."

"Are you going to let her? Abort, I mean."

"No. One, I don't let her do anything. Two, she won't abort, I know it. She's just... thinking about it."

"If she's thinking about it, I'm pretty sure she's going to do it."

"She won't. I know. I just... we keep having argument after argument after argument. She says she wants the baby, but she doesn't want to be pregnant. Then she says she absolutely does not want the baby."

"How pregnant is she?"

"I don't know. Two days? Three weeks? Pregnant enough so it shows on a test."

"She'll make the right decision," Joe assured his brother.

"Not a word of this to anyone."

***********

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." Linda looked to the floor, her voice raw from crying. "It's been a week since my last confession."

"What were the sins?"

Linda choked on a sob, and Father McMurray softened.

"What is it, my child?"

"That's just it, Father. I'm... pregnant, and.... I don't want to be."

"So you want to get rid of the baby?"

"I don't know. That's why I'm here. My catholic morals say I have to keep it. My feminist morals say get rid of it. I... I'm conflicted, Father. All of me believes that that baby is human, no matter what science tells us, but...."

"What does your husband say about this?"

"My husband doesn't control me. It doesn't matter what the hell he says. Oh, um, sorry." She apologized for cursing.

"Why don't you want the baby?" Father McMurray pressed the tips of his fingers into a teepee.

"Because the last time I was pregnant, it went horribly wrong. I had a miscarriage, and I never want to go through that he- that experience and those feelings ever again."

"If you knew you didn't want children, why-"

"Have sex? Because I thought I wanted another one, but now that I might actually have a baby inside me.... I don't know, Father. Any advice?"

"What does scripture say about this?"

"Scripture doesn't say anything about abortion. However...." she sighed, "we know as soon as that egg is fertilized, and a zygote forms, than it's human. And it's a human, and abortion is killing it, and if I kill it... I wouldn't be any better than the scumbags my husband arrests."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Dammit, Father! If I knew that, I wouldn't be here, now would I?" She took a breath, "sorry, sorry."

"I can see you're morally conflicted."

"Ya think?" Linda muttered under her breath.

"Have you prayed about this?"

"Yes."

"Have you gotten an answer?"

"I looked at Psalm 139, verse 13. Psalm 127: 3-5. And strangely Exodus 23:7."

"What did those verses say?"

"The Psalms said that the baby is fearfully and wonderfully made, and that children are an in-heritage, a gift from God. Exodus said don't kill the innocent..."

"Then that's your answer right there. Your baby is a gift from God. It's an amazing gift from an amazing God. You keep the baby, pray for it. I can help you if you'd like, find some scriptures that are comforting in this time of confusion."

Linda nodded, she hadn't thought about it that way before. "Thank you, Father." She was about to get up, then remembered. "Oh! My other sins. Uh, I lost my temper at my husband a a lot, had impure thoughts, and, uh... swore a lot."

"Three Our Fathers and six Hail Marys."

"Thanks again, Father. I... you've given my a lot to think about."

When Linda came out of confession, Danny and the family were waiting for her. She had forgotten they were going out for Mary's birthday.

"That was a long one. Twenty minutes," Jack rocked on his heels with a smug look on his face.

"Shut up."

They waited a while longer for everyone to get done with the confessions, before they got in their respective cars to go to the restaurant.

"That was a long confession," Danny treaded carefully as he and Linda followed his father's car.

"Had a lot to confess," she shrugged, looking out the window.

"Was it, um-"

"Danny, what I confess is none of your damn business. Priest-confessee confidentially. He did say he was going to give me some scripture to look up."

"Why?"

"Uh, guidance. Let's not talk about it, though. Let's just enjoy Mary's birthday dinner."

***********

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," Linda told Danny after the nice dinner. It was elegant and classy, just like the lady of the evening. "And punched you. And called you those names."

He draped his arm over her shoulder, kissing her cheek. "I shouldn't have yelled at you either. I'm sorry I've been so insensitive to your feelings during all this."

"It's okay, Danny. I should've been thinking about your feelings, too. After all, you did half the work."

Danny smirked at her, "what brought all this on?"

"A little soul searching, Scripture digging, and a talk with Father McMurray."

"Your confession." He wanted her to talk about it, so he led her to sit on the couch.

"When you were out with Joe Thursday, I prayed. I prayed a lot, and was led to some scriptures. Scriptures that said babies are a gift from God, tiny little miracles. And well.... after that..." she let out a breath. "I've made up my mind. I'm keeping my baby." She smiled at him, "keeping our baby."