Coralie's Demons

Making Friends

Song: I don't want to be sad forever- Nightcore

After group therapy everyone walks to the Commons Area. There is a big screen against the wall and chairs are out in the open here and there. I was shocked that Sarah said that I could go tonight. I sit beside Zoey and Zayden. I could see them as a couple, but they're not. I know she is dating someone else and has been for a good year now. She has mentioned him a few times in the therapy sessions and believe me she is madly in love so there is no hope for her and Zayden to ever be together. I think I just want to see him with someone so then I will know that he is off limits.

We are all watching the movie. I try to pay attention but I'm just really not into it. A part of me would rather be back in the room all alone. I watch as Zayden gets up to go across the room. He is gone for a little while and when he comes back over to sit with us he has popcorn.

"I got us some popcorn...can't watch a movie without popcorn," he grins.

"Thanks." I dig in and grab a handful popping a few into my mouth. And he is right, it is actually really good. I can't remember the last time that I actually ate popcorn. The butter is amazingly smooth and leaves a thin layer on the roof of my mouth.

Halfway through I get up.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm tired...I'm going to bed." I tell him with a yawn.

"But the movie is not even over yet...you're going to miss the best part," he starts to protest.

I shrug. "It will be fine...I'll see you guys tomorrow alright."

Zoey looks over at me. "Did you get cleared to go outside yet?"

I rolled my eyes at her. "I asked...she said she would see. If anything Clara will be with me."

"She's still watching over you...so sorry for you. Well maybe she will let you. See you tomorrow."

Marie walks me back to my room. She waits for me to get ready and then she places the little pill on my tongue and hands me a small cup of water. I let it rest for a few minutes on my tongue. Marie stares me down, waiting on me to swallow.

'Don't take that shit.'

'You know it's slowly getting rid of us.'

'Do you really think a pill will get rid of me?'

'Why do you do everything you're told?'

'Because I want to get out of here...Duh...'

I swallow the pill then open my mouth to show her that I swallowed it...yes it's gone. The pills make me a little sleepy. For the first fifteen minutes after taking it I climb into bed. They go on and on like they do every night. I wish they would just shut up. When I do drift off to sleep...I sleep all night for once.

I get approved to go outside as long as Clara is with me. She's actually watching several of us. She is not the only one of course; there are several other nurses and assistants outside watching over everyone. Even outside it feels like a prison but I don't let it bother me too much because hey I'm outside.

The wind blows lightly against my skin and plays in my hair, the scent of lavender is in the air coming from the flowers along the walk way. The sun beams down on me and it feels amazing. Funny how you can miss something so little...something that everyone takes for granted every day. Before coming here I would have never thought about the way the air smelled, the flowers smelled, the way the wind feels against my skin. Before I took all of this for granted.

I take my shoes off and walk in the grass, letting the blades tickle between my toes. I haven't done that in years and I feel like I am six all over again. I wish Carter was here with me. He always had my hand back then, making sure that I was ok. Then as the years went by it was like we started to grow farther apart but I know it was more me than him. I didn't want him to see who and what I was becoming.