Coralie's Demons

I'm Going Home

Song: I'm coming home-Skylar Grey

I do everything I possibly can to get out of here. The pills have helped my anxiety and my depression some...on most days. Some days I have to try to calm myself down doing some of the calming techniques I have learned over the past few weeks. I still have Cora and Willow talking in my head but they don't take over like they use to. I don't tell Sarah that I still talk with them and that at night they go on and on until I fall asleep. I'm afraid if I tell her she will want to keep me here even longer and I so just want to get out of here. I know its wrong I do but I can't help it I need to see him.

I hope he is still waiting for me. I hope that he still thinks about me the way I think about him. I wonder if he still has his hair the same way and if he has more piercings or even another tattoo. God I hope he is doing alright and hasn't started using again and staying out of trouble. It would be sad to know he went through everything here to get cleaned out just to start all over again. But the one thing that really scares me is that he has already found someone else. I know it has only been a little over a week but still.

Everyone here tries to cheer me up. They find reasons why they should talk to me, even if it is something silly, they will find away to get me cheer up. I want to be happy, I do, but without Zoey here and Zayden I just don't feel like I belong much anymore. It's just not the same without them.

Sarah clears me to go home the following Friday. I am extremely excited but also scared. I'm not sure I can do this, going home. I know everything is going to be different. What if I start using again? What if the pills stop working and my anxiety increases and Cora decides to take over again. What if? I need to stop worrying I know I do but I just can't help it. I'm so lost in my thoughts as I sit in the lobby waiting on the door to open up. Suddenly the door swings open and both of my parents stand there with open arms to take me back, unfortunately Carter is at work so he is not here.

I follow them out to the car and then climb in the backseat. I stare back out the window at the home that I have lived in for the past few months hoping that I will never have to return there. The whole time I watch out the window to see where we are going and it is nowhere near our old house. Matter of fact the street we are on now is full of trees with a house here and there. Nothing like the neighborhood I grew up in where the houses are so close and neighbors know everything. He keeps driving until he turns onto another road, then a long driveway. Trees are everywhere, the house is secluded and surround by even more trees. Finally at the end of the driveway a house comes into view. It's super nice; actually it looks even bigger than our other house. There is a huge wraparound porch with a swing and it happens to also be a two story house. I'm not so sure about going in so they walk me in.

"Well this is the new house," beams my mom.

I look around at all the walls filled with pictures of us as a family. I feel like I can't move and even if I did I have no clue where to go. Mom takes my hand. "Come on I'll show you around." I let her grab my hand and pull me up the stairs. Along the walls are more pictures of us growing up over the years. I try to recall some of the memories but there are a few that I just can't remember. Most of those I realize are about the time he showed up in our lives. Those years, I started to shut everything out pretending my life was just a dream, a nightmare.

My room is upstairs. I have all new furniture and the walls are painted a mint green. My mom just keeps looking at me for approval. I guess she feels that if I'm not happy that I will probably lose it or something. I look around the room to find something, anything that looks like it belonged to me.

"Sweetheart...if you don't like the color we can paint it alright and dad thought you might like all new stuff so you have new furniture." She walks over to the bed and pats the mattress.