Do you remember how we met? I was 16 when I first talked to you. I was still in high school, I found you in a chat online on some stupid app. Little did we know it would end up like this. It's funny how strangers become friends, and friends become something more.
When I first caught feelings for you I was 18. You had been on and off with chats, so was I. I wanted to tell you how I felt because I didnt think I would see you again.
I put you on this strange pedestal. I convinced myself that you knew best and that I knew nothing. Anything you wanted I would do. Anything you needed me to be I would've been for you. My world revolved around you. Anything you said would determine how I felt that day. Even the slightest disagreement would've made me cry.
The day I received the present you gave me I cried. I thought "why would someone so amazing give me something?". I never told you any of these things. I didnt want you to think I had a hard time thinking for myself, even though I did. I never really taken the time to explain how I really felt about you.
After we moved and I broke things off with you. My emotions got very intense. I convinced myself that I was horrible I felt so guilty. I even hated myself. Now I know what it is. I splitted on you, I knew deep down that it was going to eventually happen. I tried to buffer it as much as I could.
Even after everything, sometimes it still hurts to talk to you. All of the guilt still sits inside me like wet garbage weighing on my chest. As time passes though I've come to realize that putting you in that position wasn't fair. You're not some divine being. You're human just like me, but you are my favorite person so it's really hard to see you as the same.
YOU ARE READING
A Pinch Of Salt And Lemon
HorrorLook man I'm literally so depressed and I feel like the reality of how bad things get for people with depression isnt talked about enough so...if you care to join me on this shit show be my guest. Just know its literally a fucking mess.
