Hope World

Thankful to Be Here (SHINee)

SHINee

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Sometimes, it wasn't all that easy being a leader. Jinki could still recall the fights that all the members used to have when they first moved in together. They argued about the most stupid things; thinking about them now brought a small smile to his face.

But it had brought tears back then. Jinki had wondered if they would ever manage to get along with each other. Minho was so competitive about everything and Kibum was low-key awkward if they talked about anything deep. Taemin was really young and he shied away from talking and Jonghyun... well let's just say Jinki got overwhelmed when he heard him sing. Jinki had sometimes wondered how Jonghyun managed to sing so beautifully. Jinki didn't think the younger singer was someone he could talk to without being awkward.

Now, things had changed. They had all changed in ways more than one.

Minho still could get competitive, but he was caring and goofy when the situation called for it. Kibum fussed over the tiniest things; sometimes it was funny, but Jinki knew he cared. Taemin was surprisingly mature and there were times when Jinki would go to him for advice and feel comforted. Jonghyun wasn't as inapproachable as he used to be; Jinki found it easy to talk to him.

It hit him one night, when too tired to sleep, he sat up to think.

They had grown to success. Wasn't that what he wanted? Was all the sacrifices that he made worth it in the end?

Yes, it was. Seeing the fans scream for his group was worth it.

Maybe he had broken down about it before, but all those hard times had been worth it.

Jinki got up. He felt a bit reluctant to leave his warm bed, but he had started to feel a bit sentimental. The others would probably make fun of him for doing this, but he felt like he had to.

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Taemin was sitting up in his bed, looking at his phone.

"Tae?"

The maknae's face brightened up when he saw Jinki.

"Hyung!"

"Why aren't you sleeping?"

"I didn't feel like it."

Jinki sighed, rolling his eyes. "I-I don't know what to say to you."

Taemin grinned. He put his phone down and looked expectantly up at the leader.

"You're not sleeping either through," he said after a short pause.

"Thanks for noticing," Jinki said sarcastically.

"No problem hyung."

The leader thought of what he could say next, his mind reeling. There was so much he wanted to say to Taemin, but now that he was right in front of him, he couldn't think of what to say.

"Thanks for working hard!" Jinki blurted out.

Taemin's eyes widened. "Hyung, I'm literally laying on my bed and watching videos, there's no way I'm working hard right now."

"No..." Jinki shook his head. He was fumbling with his words. "I mean in general. You work really hard and I'm-I'm glad that you do because-"

Taemin got up and gently shushed him as he wrapped his arms around Jinki. The latter's composure completely fell apart and he started tearing up. The maknae froze up a bit, seeing Jinki in tears.

"You're crying hyung." His face hovered inches away from Jinki's. "What's bothering you?"

"Nothing-nothing is bothering me."

"Uh... what's going on?" Kibum stood at the doorway, Jonghyun and Minho right behind him.

This was not how it was supposed to happen. Jinki was supposed to tell them in a polished, relaxed voice that he was proud of them and was indebted to them for staying beside him. He was not supposed to be crying.

"Hyung..." Jonghyun's soft voice rang out above all the others.

Jinki felt the younger singer's arms wrap around his back. Taemin hugged him from the front while Minho and Kibum took up the sides.

"Why are you crying in the middle of night anyway? Tell me the truth," Kibum said. His voice was quiet - it was always quiet, quiet but supportive, quiet but soothing, quiet but at the correct frequency that made Jinki feel more comforted.

"I-I... I just wanted to tell all of you that I'm really proud of you and-"

"It's three fucking am hyung!" Jonghyun said, but no matter how tough he tried to act, he failed in an epic way. His voice shook and Jinki could just imagine the way his eyes must have been shining with tears right then.

"Aww..." Minho giggled. "Jinki hyung is cheering us on, you see, this is why he became the leader. He really knows what we need at what time."

"Yeah," Kibum agreed. "Jinki hyung is a great leader."

Jinki didn't hear what Jonghyun and Taemin said after because he felt his senses slowly get stripped away as he started to sob. Maybe it was because he was hearing the others compliment him in the one area where he felt insecure or maybe he was already emotional today and that's why he suddenly started bawling.

He was aware of somebody pressing a tissue to his face. Minho's deep voice was audible from somewhere above him.

"I got you, hyung, there, you're okay."

Kibum said, "Hey open your eyes for a second."

Hesitantly, Jinki opened his eyes to see Taemin grinning at him. Minho was ripping out another tissue to give to him. Kibum was somewhere behind him and Jonghyun's arms were still latched around Jinki's shoulders.

"We're so proud of you too hyung, you're the best leader we could ever have asked for."

Jonghyun's words were simple.

But they were enough.

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this took me a whole ass week to write

sorry :(

928 words