I Live to the End

8

I had only been driving for a short while the next morning when I decided to stop at a state park. It was early enough in the morning that not many people were out yet, but I decided the trails in the morning would be a good way to make sure I stayed awake during my drive.

I didn't have the proper supplies for hiking, but I didn't want that to stop me. I didn't plan on being out for long so I grabbed my water and a granola bar and was on my way.

I should have expected that hiking in the middle of winter in central Michigan wouldn't be fun or easy. I went for about 15 minutes then took a break at a small cliff. I wanted to sit down but the two feet of snow discouraged me. There was a small podium near the cliff.

Suicide Edge

Every year, hundreds of hikers take their own lives on this very cliff. It was named "Suicide Edge" in 1973 after the current mayor committed suicide.

As I read the podium, an old man hiking came up to me. I expected him to maybe be taking a break to eat or rest, but he started talking to me.

"Hiking during January in Michigan, only fools like us are dumb enough to do it. Stay safe, kid," he said.

I stayed silent and kept looking off the edge, I expected him to leave, but he stood there with me.

"You know, a lot of people have jumped off this edge, but not a lot of locals. Where are you from?" he asked.

"Minnesota," I told him, hoping he would leave me alone.

"Minnesota," he repeated, "You came a long way just to hike."

"I'm just passing through. I needed a break while driving and thought hiking might be good."

"It might be good if it weren't January, but I guess if you're from Minnesota you're used to bad winters. Where are you on your way to?"

"Maine."

"Maine? What's in Maine that you want to see?"

I was starting to lose my patience with the man. We were just two people who were on a trail, that didn't mean we needed to be talking to each other. He didn't need to know why I was going to Maine or anything about me.

"Look, we're strangers who are both hiking at the same time. Why I'm going to Maine is kinda personal," I told him.

"Kid, I've seen a lot of people come to this ledge, a lot of them with the same look on their face as you. It's suicide ledge for a weekend, even after I talk to them, a lot of them still jump. My son jumped. I don't want parents to be feeling the same pain I felt and no one should feel the need to take their own life. You said you're going to Maine, so make sure you get there. And make sure you get back to whoever you have waiting for you in Minnesota," he told me.

I took a minute to process what he said then turned to look at him for the first time. His dark skin was covered with his bright coat and winter hat. He had a backpack and winter boots. His weathered face showed that he had lived a life with worry and sorrow.

"Could you take a picture of me here for my brother?" I asked him.

"So you have a brother back home?"

"Not anymore, this trip is for him and my dad. We always wanted to go to Maine," I told him.

"I'm sorry about your brother. Make sure you enjoy this trip for yourself, not just your brother."

I handed him my phone and he took a picture of me in front of the view. It wasn't exactly a roadside attraction, but it would do.

We walked back down the trail together. He said he was on his way into town before going back for anyone else who came to the edge. He told me he had retired a few years earlier and started going out there whenever he could.

I got back to my car and found my way back to the interstate I was on. I drove for a few more hours and was almost out of Michigan when I stopped for a late lunch and gas.

I ate in Adrian, Michigan. It wasn't a city but also wasn't a small town, it was somewhere in between. The downtown area was clearly historic. I had the food I had bought the day before, so I didn't want to eat at a restaurant somewhere, but I wanted to get off the highway.

I found a grocery store and ate in the parking lot. After I ate, I decided to explore the town, maybe there would be something interesting to get a picture of. I walked around the downtown area for a while and eventually found Monument Park. It was a large circle in the downtown area with a few war monuments. Noah loved history, especially World War II, so I found someone nearby and asked if they could take a picture of me with the monument.

"Not many people come to visit for the monuments," the mother with her 2 small children told me.

"I'm just passing through, I needed a break from sitting in the car all day and thought walking around here wouldn't do any harm," I told her.

"Have a nice rest of your drive," she told me before she continued walking with her children.

I went back to my car and planned out my next few hours. It was around 3 pm now and I wanted to drive for about 5 more hours before I would find a rest stop. I was hoping to make it through Ohio before I stopped.

I ended up making it all the way to New York before I stopped. It was slightly later than I had wanted, but I would probably make it to Maine the next day. I stopped for the night at Clarence Service Plaza along I-90.

I started thinking about where I wanted to go in Maine. I thought back to Noah's plans. He had said something about wanting to go to college in Maine, so where in Maine had a college? What college had he been talking about?

If I didn't know, there was one other person who might. It was two hours earlier in Minnesota so I knew Duncan would probably answer his phone.

"What's wrong?" He asked when he picked up on the second ring.

"Do you remember what college Noah wanted to go to in Maine?" I asked.

"He wanted to try to get into Colby College and be a history major. He applied, you know. He didn't want to tell you in case he didn't get accepted. He wanted to take you to Maine and you two could both go to school. Maine has an art school, you know," he told me.

"I know, that's one of the few places I applied to. Thanks, Duncan," I said before I hung up.

I looked up where Colby College was and figured out the rest of my route. As I tried to fall asleep, I couldn't stop thinking about how different this trip would have been with Noah. Would he be proud of me making this trip? Would dad have any advice for me? Would they both be proud of who I became without them? I wanted to be able to talk to them and be able to know their thoughts. If it was possible were they watching me and trying to communicate somehow? Did one of them send that old man because they were worried? Was Noah with me while I was taking those pictures?

I looked at them again. There were only two, but I stared at them so long I had them memorized. I finally allowed myself to sleep in preparation for tomorrow's drive.