Finding Happiness

Chapter 5

The one thing any kid fears most is losing your parents. Well, for my sisters and I, that fear was coming true.

My mom decided to move to Maryland, even though everyone said they didn't want that. She was moving in with her boyfriend and his son. It didn't feel real to me until she quit her job and started packing. She put things in my Great Grandmothers basement and then she put others in Greg's truck. I would sit there staring at the boxes and I remember how overwhelming it was in that tiny house. Matthew would talk to me and in a way, it was like he was trowing it in my face that my mom was leaving. That made me hate him even more.

It was my dads week to keep us. Madyson sat down with Haylee and I and she told us that when she leaves next Sunday we can't cry or get upset. We needed to stay strong so I understood why we were told that. It was the end of June when the dreadful day came.

We had just got home from going to eat with her and I remember standing in the driveway saying goodbye to my mom. As soon as she got in the car with Greg I lost it. I was hysterical. I ran inside and literally jumped into my dad and Lisa's arms. They tried comforting me by saying it was okay, but it wasnt. I had never felt pain like that. I cried for a week over anything that would relate to her or anything that delt with mothers.

A month went by and I felt a little better about everything by then. My mom was coming down to visit for the first time and I was so excited. That weekend went by way to fast because she was being taken away from me again and it hurt just as bad.

Once again the hysterical crying came.

By August I was fine once again. I had gotten new dresses for our Cruise that was coming and I couldn't wait. The night we had to leave, insomnia kicked in and I didn't sleep from the all of the excitement. It took 7 hours to get to Jacksonville, Florida. I still remember pulling up to the port and seeing the massive boat. Me and Haylee went insane. It was the biggest boat I'd ever seen and it was crazy that I'd be living on there for  five days.

The crusie was amazing. We went to Half Moon Cay, Bahamas and Nassau, Bahamas. I'd never seen a place like Half moon Cay. It was the most beautiful place I'd ever seen. White sand and clear light blue water that felt like bath water. It was Paradise.

When we got home I found out I was going to be in Mrs. Trogdons fifth grade class and I was so excited. Macy was in that same class too. That was year three for us having the same class. First day of school started and it was fun. Mrs. Trogdon had everyone say the prayer (even though it illegal, but no one cared, it was fun.)

Months went by and the same routine did as well. My mom came and went and I'd cry until I couldn't breathe and had no tears left.

I specifically remember the last time I cried over her leaving me. That's another memory I'll never forget.

It was November. My mom, Greg, and Matthew came down for Madyson and Matthews birthdays. We went to Ichibans that night. It was the first (and only time) I'd ever went there and it was good, but I loved how they cooked infront of you. We were going home and I could feel the pain coming back and the panic I had was unbearable. We did what we always did, say goodbye and then try to calm me down.

I never understood why Madyson and Haylee didn't cry after the first goodbye but I guess they got over it or delt with the pain better than I could. I started for the door and that's when Lisa met me and took me in her arms.

She held me in her arms and rubbed my back. We sat on the couch for hours and she held and rocked me trying to comfort me as I once again sobbed to the point I couldnt breathe. The last thing I remember her saying is you have to stop this tonight, you can't do this anymore.

Eventually from the crying I was exhausted and fell asleep in her arms.

The next time my mom left, I didn't feel the pain I had felt for those past 4 months and I didn't cry.