We Never Left

Stans 10 rules to Weird

*Stans Point of View in a journal

So. The world has ended. That's fine. I h̶a̶v̶e̶ had my brown meat supplies.

Everything is trying to capture, eat, or kill me. Thats fine too. 10 guns ain't for nothin.

I found this dumb empty journal of Sixers. It actually was empty too. No invisible ink. Just the number 4 on it. So now its my soon to be best selling book.

Stan Pines guide to the end of the world

Can you even imagine how much this'll be worth? Not like I can do anything anyways. When I think its safe to go outside, I dropkick a gnome out there. Like Noah with the doves. I'm sure its basically the same thing. But the gnomes are all eaten or turned to stone. So, without further ado, the guidlines to Armageddon.

First off, this ain't no normal run of the mill Armageddon. I'm talking the Oddpocalypse. Weirdmageddon. The end times.

Don't. Trust. Anything. Gravity? Time? Existence? Its all up for grabs. One second its fine, then Gravity falls, the Earth becomes the sky and its all because a triangle in a hat and bowtie. Hmm. That rhymes. Sounds sorta familiar. Oh well.

Keep your friends close, rations closer. I don't know where people get the idea of keeping enemies close. Thats a good way to get literally stabbed in the back. And hungry friends are not your friends if you have food.

̶A̶ ̶w̶i̶s̶e̶ ̶m̶a̶n̶ ̶o̶n̶c̶e̶ ̶s̶a̶i̶d̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶b̶l̶i̶n̶d̶ ̶p̶e̶o̶p̶l̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶d̶a̶r̶k̶n̶e̶s̶s̶.̶ ̶S̶o̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶.̶ ̶L̶e̶t̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶g̶o̶ ̶l̶o̶o̶k̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶u̶p̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶D̶i̶p̶p̶e̶r̶s̶ ̶n̶e̶r̶d̶ ̶b̶o̶o̶k̶ ̶a̶c̶t̶u̶a̶l̶l̶y̶.̶

In the land of the blind the one eyed man is king. But in the darkness the man with the light is a target. I don't know where I was going with that. Maybe everyone in this town is blind or something? Or maybe since I wear tgat eye patch I should make everyone blind to be king? I'll be right back.

Never. Under any circumstances, stab a gnomes eye.

Keep lots of napkins

Cary weapons at ALL times

From the words of the Illuminacho himself, Time is dead and meaning has no meaning. Jn other words, just go with it. It'll be WEIRD.

Writers cramp hurts

Don't go into the bathroom after a manotour

When in doubt, get the H*CK out

Don't name zombies, demons, or mutants. It makes the deep voiced child of my nightmares sad when it inevitably has to die.

This weirdo guy with red hair and a goatie in flannel appears everywhere. 90% certain hes a demonic leader and he might even be the real man behind weirdmageddon. He seems so familiar...

Keep teens AWAY from vampires. They all want to be one.

Its better to travel with someone. But someone expendable.

On the same note, you don't have to be the fastest person, just faster than atleast one other person. If that backfires then trip 'em.

Forget double knotted shoe laces. Ties it and ductape those suckers down.

Aim for the heads. Specifically eyes.

Lifes a marathon, not a sprint. So take it at a manageable pace. Unless it really is a sprint. Then you sprint.

Don't wait to see the whites of their eyes because not all of them have any.

Clones are not only possible, but are running ramped in the woods. Some eat trash and the rest look like Dipper.

They. Can. Smell. Electronic. Devices. So blonde gamer brats are officially expendable. Even if they're human.

Give up on saving your business you worked on for over 30 years. The unicorn and the now one eyed gnome trashed it.

̶W̶o̶r̶k̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶a̶n̶ ̶a̶p̶o̶l̶o̶g̶y̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶b̶r̶o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶w̶h̶o̶ ̶m̶a̶y̶ ̶o̶r̶ ̶m̶a̶y̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶s̶t̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶l̶i̶-̶

Don't loose hope.

Remember family matters more. And that if even the possibility of saving them exists, risk it all. Because they're worth it.

Don't judge a slimy, mentally unstable hobo by his cover. Apparently hes a genuine genius.

*Stans Actual Point of View

I'm coming kids. Im coming Ford. Im sorry, just hang in there. Pl- no. I'm not saying it still. And with this plan I better get the bigger tombstone.

So get ready Bill. I'm coming for you, you son of a b-