Can We Be Fixed? (Stony)

Chapter Nine: Safe and Secure

A/N: It is I, the author who gives double updates in one day because they love their readers. But don't hold me on that, because I cannot always promise double updates in one day but I at least try lol.

ANYWAYS, this chapter... Well, I have no words for. It's sad, it's full of angst (I guess, lol), but at least you get some fluff to make up for it. I guess I'm on the in between if this chapter is good or bad, I don't know how to feel about it. If it's bad,  I'm sorry, if it's good, then I hope you enjoyed it.

Warning: Mentions of past suicide attempt, and slight suicidal thoughts

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He hasn't said a single word ever since the Quinjet taking him and Tony to Wakanda took off. Not a single word has been spoken, no matter how many times Tony has asked him if he's ok. He just looks at the genius with a sad expression, and he can see the pain and self-deprecation in Tony's eyes, and of course it hurts him too, but what can he say? It's not that he doesn't want to speak to the brunette, it's the simple fact that his confidence has been shot, and he feels that he himself is nothing more than broken, damaged goods.

It's the mere thought of that simple statement in his own mind that leads him to start closing himself off from the shorter male, not really bothering to respond to most of what he's asking. It hurts Tony, and God does it hurt him too, but he's not comfortable with speaking right now. His voice, while still being the same octave it's always been, it's drastically foreign to him, as if the stuttering has changed the way he sounds entirely; and in a way it actually has, not by changing his tone of voice, but how he's able to form a sentence. He can't form a singular sentence containing, or beginning with consonants , because that's when the stuttering happens. Every sentence he could possibly form, no longer an option for him. He could only answer yes or no questions with just a simple nod of his head.

He thinks to himself, that he's not good enough for Tony anymore. He thinks to himself, why would Tony want someone who's broken, or damaged goods, when he could find someone better, more suitable for him. Why have someone who can't communicate properly anymore, as well as someone who can't see well out of one eye, when the genius could simply just be done with him and go after someone else worthy of his time. It's the confidence he's lost that makes him feel this way, and it's the lost confidence that eats away at him, lets his mind think all these negative thoughts about himself that destroys him from the inside.

And poor Tony, who sits so far away from him on the other side of the Quinjet, sending him small smiles of reassurance full of so much love, does it hurt him even more. It's Tony who's sacrificing the most, giving him the space he needs, but also the space he doesn't want. It's conflicting for him, because he wants and needs the genius in his arms, kissing him softly and telling him constantly that it will be ok, but he knows he's the one creating this space between, and Tony's just trying to do what's right. He wants to just so badly keep Tony close and tell him how much he loves him, but it's the insecurities creeping up his spine that pull him back with its invisible arms, strapping him to his seat and preventing him from moving.

He hates it, every second that he's away from the genius and looking at him from across the room, with that small, sad, yet beautiful smile of his, that he returns on instinct but doesn't mean whole heartedly, does it make him hate the situation he's in. But what can he do about it? He can try to get better, he can try to make the effort to talk, but it would be hard for him. He just hopes the therapy will help him get his voice back, and as for his eye, he really hopes this is temporary because he'll go insane if he has use in only one eye.

Before he knows it the Quinjet touches the ground, and the hangar door opens. He stands up and walks out of the Quinjet, feet touching the familiar grassy, solid soil of the Wakandan plains he's so familiar with. He remembers coming here and bringing Bucky to T'Challa, who was so willing to help him, help Bucky.