Chapter Ten: Pain

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A/N: The title speaks for itself, lol.

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Before he opened his eyes, he could already tell that there was a body missing in his bed. He had hoped the genius would have stayed in bed with him, but he figures that Tony got up in the middle of the night and went into Shuri's lab to try and find a cure for his ailments. He had hoped the genius stayed, because he was honestly looking forward to just cuddling him for a while before heading off to his therapy session. He was just delaying the inevitable at this point, and with a heavy sigh he decided to just open his eyes and get ready for the day.

Waking up with blurry vision was pretty overwhelming for him, as one half of the room while he was laying sideways was completely in focus, while the other half was just blobs and specs, unrecognizable. He looked at the door and just hoped that Tony would come through any second, but as time slowly passed, it was clear that wasn't going to be the case any time soon. And it's just this moment that makes him wish he was back at the compound with the genius, because back then Tony would always come to his room and get him for breakfast.

As he looked around the room, even towards the desk he found no breakfast, but instead his sketchbook sitting there neatly. He doesn't know what he's supposed to expect, but realistically he expected some sort of affectionate good morning, but instead was just met with no Tony, no food, nothing really except what he already owned or was given in this room. It brought down his mood as he sat up, eyes focused on the silver, cold tiles his feet were resting on.

He stood up and wasted no time in exiting his room, his shoulders slumped as he walked. He was, however, looking forward to his therapy session, because maybe Tony might be there like he was the first day and they could walk together. Tony wouldn't miss his therapy session!

But he did.

And it wasn't even the first time he did, it was every subsequent session after that. Each day after that one, the genius was nowhere to be found. The only time Steve ever found him was when he was in Shuri's lab, tinkering away, laughing with the other scientist, and it hurt. He started to cease going to therapy after the fourth time of Tony not showing up, four days without seeing the man he loves after every therapy session, because the only reason he even started going, or rather agreeing to go to these sessions is because Tony said they'd do it together. And he laughs bitterly at himself. Those were the same words he told Tony, and he now knows how he felt when he told Tony that they'd win or lose together. And right now, he felt like a loser. He felt like he not only lost his eyesight, or his ability to speak, or his life, but he lost the most important thing to him- the love of his life.

And it was on the fifth day of waking up, no breakfast in the morning, no Tony coming into his room to get him, or at his therapy session, that he started to shut down again and become distant and cold. He stopped trying to fix his speech impediment; every time they wanted him to repeat the words they spoke, or write down a sentence he wanted to say and have him say it to them, he simply shrugged and always said: "w-what's t-the p-point?"

It was the fifth day of him walking by Shuri's lab and seeing him there, all happy and carefree, and he thinks that maybe what he and Tony had never existed in the first place. He thinks that, maybe Tony didn't love him as much as he thought, and he might have dreamt the genius being in his arms, telling him that he loved him, dreamt that his hands were cupping the sides of his face and his lips were against his. But it felt so real, and yet at the same time so imaginary now that things seem different. He's lost- just like how he was lost when he woke up in this strange little word and everything was far too different for him to comprehend. He doesn't know where to go, or what to believe in, he's confused and hurt and it's all too much.

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