I blame the moon | nct mark lee ff

☽ fifteen: my bad ☾

I LOOKED AT HIM expectadly, waiting for him to say something first.

I sighed. "are we just going to keep avoiding each other forever? I miss you, we don't talk anymore and I hate it, what do I need to do?" he asked, suddenly breaking the silence.

"look, mark. You didn't do anything wrong, ok. And I don't want things to be weird between us either but I don't know how to ignore the fact that we had sex."

He looked me in the eyes, "do you... regret it?" he asked in a quiet voice.

I looked away from him and stared at my fingers as I started fiddling with them.

"no. I just—, honestly don't know if it was just some meaningless sex for you but it was my first time and it meant a lot to me. I've never went that far with anybody else and I just don't want to get hurt, okay? Especially not by someone I fuck with as heavy as I do with you." I continued as I wiped a stray tear away with my towel.

"it wasn't just some meaningless sex, Nayoung!" he yelled and I flinched.

He lowered his voice again and said, "I'm not that shallow. I wouldn't have done that with you if it didn't mean anything. I know we just met a few weeks ago but I fuck with you too."

he ran his hand over his face as he sighed. "I don't want it to be awkward. I want us to go back to how we were before and stop avoiding each other. I know you said you don't date, and it's fine, I understand. But you should know that you can trust me with anything, and I'll wait for you until you're ready to open up to me about whatever's holding you back."

At that I turned my head to look him in the eyes. "I'm sorry, Mark. I didn't mean to cause this much of a mess in the first place. I just wasn't ready bear the pain of finding out that you just using me for sex or something. I know I've been acting irrationally, but I promise I have my reasons. I'm sorry I've been avoiding you and keep running off, but I have my reasons for that too. I want us to go back to normal so can we just forget this all happened, please?" I looked at him with teary eyes, waiting for his response.

"okay. Just know that I'm here for you, and respect whatever reasons you have." he opened his arms as he said this and I melted in his embrace, resting my face in the
crook of his neck and letting out a breath, feeling a weight being lifted off my shoulders.

Mark spoke up after we'd been lying like that for a while, "um, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to but I noticed that you have scars on your thighs and near your stomach. What happened?"

He asked and I visibly tensed. He felt me tense and rubbed a hand soothingly up and down my back. "you don't have to tell me, I just wanted to know if you're okay."

I sat up to face him. "I used to cut myself, a lot" I said, feeling numb to the emotions of those memories. "I was depressed throughout most of highschool." I said, looking away.

"Oh.." he said, trailing off not knowing what to say.

I never told anyone about this, nor did I ever let anyone see my scars, but for some unexplainable reason I felt safe with Mark and I felt like I could trust him.

I looked back at him. "yeah. You don't need to feel bad for me or anything, I'm okay now though, I think."

I laid back onto his chest and hugged my body close to his. We stayed like that for a while before I felt him get up.

"I should probably get going now, it's late"

I kind of felt sad that he had to go, but didn't want to force him to stay either.

"oh. yeah. See you tomorrow" I said as I walked him to the door and closed it behind him.

I smiled to myself as I went back to my room and fell asleep.

—— —— ——

MARK AND I REALLY did go back to normal after we spoke. It was Friday and all of our classes were over. One of mark's friends suggested we go out to eat to celebrate getting through the week.

I was walking next to Dani with her arm slung around my shoulders, us already close friends after only knowing each other for about a week, and the rest of the boys a little further ahead of us as we entered the restaurant/bar and they found us a table.

We sat down, me in between Mark and Dani, with Jaemin by her side.

She quickly stood, grabbing my hand to stand with her. "we're going to the bathroom." she said.

"uh—" I was cut off by her dragging me with her before I could say anything.

As soon as we got to the bathroom I looked at her, confused.

"what ws that about?" I asked, chuckling. I narrowed my eyes at her "you're acting weird."

"so what's up with you and Mark" she asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "nothing's 'up', What do you mean?" I asked, already knowing where this conversation was going.

"You guys were like, ignoring each other since, like, Monday and now you're acting all lovey-dovey? Seems a little suspect if you ask me." I choked on air at that and started to cough uncontrollably, remembering Friday night and the actual reason for all that.

"huh? I don't know what you're talking about..." i looked at her with wide eyes as my voice sounded dry.

She threw her head back and laughed loudly. "oh my god! I can't believe it" she said in between laughing. "did you guys like, you know.." she asked, and my eyes widened, choking on air for the second time. "oh my god, no ways! my ship is sailing!"

I looked at her incredulously, speechless. "um, yeah, okay this conversation is over." I said, embarrassed and turning to leave.

"wait!" she said, stopping me. "don't take it the wrong way or anything but you and Mark are totally meant for each other." she said, holding her hands together, close to her chest and looking up at me in awe.

My mouth hung open and I looked at her in disbelief, "are you serious right now?" I asked, almost laughing.

She nodded her head furiously in response.

I rolled my eyes. "so what's happening between you and Jaemin?" I asked, wiggling my eyebrows as she had done.

She suddenly turned red and looked away. "come onnn, Nayoung. It's not the sameeee" she said.

"how isn't it the same?" I asked, tilting my head at her.

"because," she looked at me pouting, "he doesn't like me back" she frowned.

"awww" I wrapped my arms around her in a hug. "you told him you like him?"

"umm, well not exactly.." she said, rubbing the back of her neck.

I stretched out my arms with my hand on her shoulders, "so then how do you know he doesn't like you?" I asked, confused.

She sighed and hung her head back, "I dunno, it's just a feeling and I don't wanna tell him I like him before I know he likes me back."

"it'll be fine, he literally always has hearts in his eyes whenever he talks about you, I'm pretty sure he likes you too" I said, smiling at her.

I hooked my arm in hers, turned and was about to walk out of the bathroom before I bumped into another girl.

I greeted her and was about to walk passed to leave before she stopped me.

"wait, aren't you the girl that came in with Mark?" she asked.

She was tall, pale and had waist-length black hair.

"um, yes? Why?" I asked.

I tilted my head, was wondering how she knew Mark, before she slapped me.

My eyes widened in disbelief, I furrowed my eyebrows and took a few steps back. what the fuck?