But What Did You Do To My Heart? {ON HIATUS}

The City Besides Me Can Sleep At Night

⚠️TW: self harm⚠️

Kazuichi's POV

The initial sting brought tears to his eyes, mostly for the pain of the reason rather than the pain of the cut. He looked down at the bloody line left by the blade. It went from one side of his wrist to the other, just below any major arteries. Kazuichi looked at the blade. It had blood sliding down it and landing on the handle and his hand. He picked it back up and repeated the process five or six more times. Going up and down, then side to side, until there was a grid pattern on his lower arm. He lifted it and brought it back down what felt like hundreds of times, until his arm was nothing but a bloody mess of bones and shredded skin.

He took another swig of his beer, the alcohol numbing the pain in his arm enough that he could keep going. He moved to his chest, and with the shirt still on, slashed through until there was nothing but grids all over his check and stomach. His hips came next, the blade scraping the bone a few times. He almost cried out louder than he did, but he'd bit his tongue to stop from doing so. If anyone heard him, it was game over for him. Kazuichi rolled up the left leg of his pants and took his boot off. As he sliced into his ankle, hissing in pain. The first slash on his skin always stung the most, but this one hurt more because of how close to the bone he was. The blade drug through the skin, making deep cuts around the ankle part. As he went higher up on his leg, the knife went with it.

After almost an hour of this, he moved on to his thighs. He'd ripped the jumpsuit off his while body by then, so there wasn't much standing in his way. He'd also moved from against his door to the bathroom. If anyone found him, he didn't want the mess to be in the front room, after all. The blade dug into the thicker part of his thigh, his subconscious mind making patterns on his skin. His thoughts traveled elsewhere as he cut his skin to shreds.

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Kazuichi was sitting between Gundham and Fuyuhiko in the dining hall. The mealtime that day was subdued due to Teruteru's trial having been earlier that day. They'd gotten done just in time for dinner, and Mahiru decided to get everyone to eat. It wouldn't do them good if they all starved on the island because then Monokuma would've won. Everyone had already grabbed their plates besides Kazuichi.

Fuyuhiko had taken one look at him and shoved his plate at the taller of the two. Kazuichi looked back at him, surprised. "Staring at it won't let you eat it any faster," Fuyuhiko gave him a side smile before grabbing another plate for himself. They all had started eating when Nagito's voice broke through the silence.

"Come on everyone, don't be so upset! Hope is still among us, even if it doesn't feel like it! Byakuya would've wanted us to continue on and save ourselves, not mourn him! Don't let the despair settle in you!" Usually his speeches were odd and unhelpful, but if anything, it made people smile a little. Hajime spoke up. "Nagito's right. Byakuya wouldn't have wanted us to wait for the impossible and wait for him to come back, he would've told us to keep going despite his death." Sonia stood up, her glass in hand.

"If I could propose a toast? One to the hope Byakuya instilled into us, one for the hope Teruteru carried with him until the end, one for the hope we still have. To the fallen, and the ones who will survive. We shall prevail in the face of imminent danger, no matter the costs!" Everyone else, somewhat hopeful, put their glasses in the air in memory of their fallen friends and the dream to make it out alive.

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He was thrown out of his thoughts by a familiar ringtone sounding beside him. He looked down at his thigh and realized he had cut way more than he should have. There was a design in the middle of the blood. The words he repeats to himself everyday. It's your fault. He reached over and grabbed a dirty rag sitting in the sink next to him. With his other hand, he grabbed his phone, clicking the green answer button.

"Souda, oh Atua, i didn't think you would answer-" Kazuichi cut the voice off. "H-hajime, heyyyy." His words were slurred from blood loss and alcohol. Hajime's breath hitched at the way his voice sounded. "Souda...You aren't drinking, are you?" He laughed lightly. "O-of co-ourse not. W-well, not anym-more." He heard the opening and closing of a door. "Ha-a-ajime, where you goin'? You're not gonna h-ha-aang u-up right?" The sound of footsteps pounding on the ground came through the speaker.

"H-hey, Souda, can you do me a favor?" Kazuichi 'hmmm'ed in response. "Don't h-hurt yourself before I get over, alright? I'm just going to grab some things first." He snorted. "Y-yea-aaah, too la-ate for that...s'not li-ike I'm dyi-ing or anythi-ing." Hajime's voice cut out for a few moments before another voice showed up , sounding much more frantic than Hajime. "Mortal Kazuichi, you don't get to die on me, the fates shall not allow it, you hear me?! I-I can't lose you..." He would know that voice anywhere. "Gundham..." Gundhams breathing sped up, sounding like he was running.

Kazuichi felt a single tear run down his face. Blood was everywhere, all over him. His face was about the only place there wasn't any blood. "My dark prince, you listen to me, you wait for me, okay? You wait until I get there and I promise you I will fix you, okay? Mortal, talk to me!" Kazuichi smiled, but it looked foreign on his face. It was a peaceful, almost submissive smile that anyone would be scared of if they saw it. Gundham had only let his persona drop once, on the night the declared their love for one another. To know he was the cause of Gundham feeling human both times made his heart flutter...or maybe that was the blood loss, he wasn't sure. He felt something warm trickle out of his mouth and down his neck, mingling with the blood on his chest. "Gu-undha-am," but whatever else he was going to say died on his tongue as he dropped the phone. Gundham's shouts and cries could be heard from the phone clearly however. "Dark prince, what has happened! Mortal? Kazuichi!"

Kazuichi leaned against the bathtub, blood all over the room. He tried to stay awake, to grab the phone and tell his love that it was okay, that he would be fine, but he lost consciousness before he could hear Gundham cry out one final plea.

(Jesus christ, Oh Atua, whatever you say, that hurt to write. I dunno if it's that good, but I tried. The first draft of this chapter kinda went in a Kuzusoda direction, so I altered the wording a bit. Anyway, feedback is appreciated, and I hope you all like the story so far!)