My Saving Grace

Chapter 49

Numb.

That's all I could feel as the buildings and palm trees continued to pass by in a blur through the car window.

For the past thirty-six hours, I'd been through hell and back. It'd all started when the nurses wheeled me into the ER, where they'd checked my vitals before a doctor proceeded to investigate between my legs.

There'd been blood...so much blood, and I remembered fainting at one point. But I'd continued to remain positive, telling myself that things would be okay.

That is, until reality came crashing down on me when the doctor had uttered four earth-shattering words.

"You've had a miscarriage."

At first, I'd gone into denial, lashing out at the doctor and nurses as I wailed like a banshee (Nick's words, not mine), demanding to hear my baby's heartbeat.

But I couldn't...because there was nothing to hear.

Our little pumpkin was...gone.

I'd cried that entire first night at the hospital, feeling like my heart had been ripped to shreds. Nick, bless his soul, had stayed with me, so I wouldn't feel so alone.

The doctor had made me stay overnight both Monday and Tuesday to ensure the pregnancy tissue had passed from my womb. The second night, I'd managed to sleep for a few hours before waking up and as soon as I felt my flat tummy, I'd burst into tears all over again.

"Talk to me, sis. What's going through your mind right now?", Nick asked as he merged onto the freeway.

"I'm devastated, Nick. God, this doesn't feel real," I muttered, rubbing my forehead as I closed my eyes.

"You'll get through this. You're the strongest person I know." He reached his hand over the console to give my knee a reassuring squeeze.

"I still have to tell Antonio," I said quietly, chewing on my bottom lip.

He exhaled slowly.

"When does he get back?"

"In an hour."

"You want me to be there when you tell him?"

I shook my head, sighing.

"I'll be okay. You should go to work."

"You sure? My boss understands I have a family emergency."

"I'm sure, Nick. But, thank you. I don't know how I would've gotten through the past two days without you."

"I'm your big bro, Soph. Big brothers take care of their little sisters," he said with a loving grin as he tousled my hair.

I managed a smile.

"I love you."

"Love you too, sis."

After Nick dropped me off at home, I went into the bathroom to take a shower, changing into a T-shirt and cotton shorts before curling up on the living room couch. Thankfully, all traces of the blood that had been on it were gone. Nick had probably cleaned it off when he'd swung by to grab me some clothes and toiletries.

I stared up at the ceiling, feeling that deep sense of loss in my heart and the pit of my stomach (literally). I'd grown so attached to my little pumpkin the past couple of months, and knowing that I'd never get to welcome it into this world absolutely killed me.

I suddenly remembered the brand new crib upstairs and fought back tears. It'd always serve as a reminder of what Antonio and I had lost unless we got rid of it. I made a mental note to give it to Nick and Alyssa, since they'd be needing it very soon.