...The main doctor shut the door. He knelt down next to me and held my hand and grasped it. He put his mouth up to my ear and whispered "Baby, You made the wrong decision...My son did the same thing. Please tell him I love him and I miss him so very much." He put his head on my stomach and started crying. I felt the tears hit my stomach. I felt soo bad!! I really didn't think this was going to happen...I made the wrong choice and there was no going back, I killed myself and I did it for a good reason at least I thought it was a good reason at the time. But now I see how big of a mistake I made. God, I screwed a lot of peoples lives....I thought nobody cared...but yet I have a doctor crying on my chest and rubbed the doctors back, she told him that I was going to be alright. That was a lie I wasn't going to be alright there was no way that they could save me. I had a knife through my heart and nobody was doing anything about it. Nurses would come in and say I'm beautiful and s*it but that wasn't going to bring me back to life! I wanted one of the nurses to come in and not cry. Just help me and try to bring me back to life but I don't think they made the right move soon enough. Finally, a nurse and 5 others came in. One of the lady's named Barb pulled out the knife and set in on the tray. Than they began my surgery. I didn't see the point in trying to bring me back to life when we all know that I'm not coming back. I wouldn't be able to read or write, walk or talk. I was a dead person laying in a hospital. Like seriously. I followed on of the doctors out into the waiting room. She wiped off her tears and acted serious. As she walked in everybody stood up and was looking at her. She was blushing she didn't want to tell them I wasn't going to make it. She looked down at the papers and than up at the wide eyed crowd. She cleared get throat than in a shaky voice said "Hello, Hanna...Isn't going to m-" She couldn't finish she handed my mom the papers and than my mom broke down. I saw her hug a man. IT WAS MY DAD!!!! My dad was in the hospital....I've missed him and now I'll never get to see him again. This made me feel even worse. Is there anyway anyway at all for me to come back? I needed to be alive I missed cutting and my family. Than I remembered the doctor said I wasn't going to make it so why was I even trying to find a way to come back alive?
