I was so confused. I'm trying to find a way to come back alive...but I can't. The doctor said I wasn't going to make it...why was I even trying? I wanted to commit suicide so I did. But now I wanted to come back alive...I didn't understand. Why the hell am I trying to come back alive. Anyways, I ran up to my dad and gave him a hug...than I realized I wasn't there. I slowly fell to the floor and started crying. I wanted to meet my dad!!! I haven't seen him in 7 months. Ugh, this isn't fair. Ive hurt so many people...with me gone would peoples lives change? Would somebody cry every night missing me? Would somebody commit just to see me? Than I thought about my boyfriend. I broke up with him...would he care that I was gone? My best friend Hannah...She said she'd commit suicide if I left her! Oh god! Im responsible for all these deaths. They are commiting because of me! I really screwed things up. I thought that I would be happy. But I'm not! I miss people and I miss things! I miss cutting and drinking vodka to take away the pain. I miss crying at night hoping for a better life...I miss Hannah the love of my life. No I'm not dating her but Im bisexual and yes I get bullied. Than my dad moved along with 13 other people. They were walking to my room. Than 20 other people got up and walked to my room. Everybody was crying and hold balloons, stuffed animals or flowers. They all cared and I thought nobody did. Than I saw her. Hannah was here...Everyone left the room. She kissed me on the forehead and than said I love you baby girl! She laid down next to me and grabbed the knife on the tray. Held my hand and boom she was dead. I started balling. She didn't lie she really did commit...She was still holding my hand and nobody knew what happened. Not until my mom walked in and saw, Hannah and Hanna holding hands. She was deviated. She knew we loved eachother but she didn't know the promises we made or the sacrifices we would do for eachother. A doctor walked in and than walked out. She didn't do anything, she couldn't handle seeing people commit suicide anymore. I think I saw Hannah. She ran up to me and gave me a huge hug. She kissed me on the forehead and told me she missed me. I started crying. I felt so bad. I didn't understand why she would do this...we made a promise but I never thought she would really commit suicide for me..Hannah and I stood there for 5 minutes just hugging. I loved her!
