Broken

Chapter 15 - rewritten

*Lucia POV*

A wave of nausea hits me and I jump out of the bed running to my ensuite bathroom. I just about make it in time, with my head in the toilet bowl I puke up all of my insides. My throat burns as the acidic bile makes its way up my throat. I shake and shiver over the bowl before taking a seat next to the toilet, I let out some sobs. I deserve this and worse I deserve to be locked up and never be let out. Coughing and spluttering over the porcelain bowl. Flinching when I feel a firm hand rubbing my back. Looking up with tears burning my eyes I see Ace he is looking down at me with pity swirling in his eyes.

"I'm sorry. None of you deserve this, I am a disappointment. I am disgusting excuse for a human. I deserve to be locked up, never to be able to see the light of day again. All I do is hurt people and I don't want to hurt people anymore." I am sobbing in hysterics.

Ace shushes me "what did we just talk about? There is no need to talk like that we love you and you deserve none of this. I promise you that you' re not a disappointment." he pulls me into him, cradling me like a baby. The motion makes me jump up and chuck my head over the bowl again. After I have completely left all my insides including my stomach lining and organs, down the toilet. Shaking Ace helps me to stand up and I flush the toilet and brush my teeth. Lying down in bed I don't want to sleep so I decide to go downstairs and get a glass of water. Ace left to do something after I brushed my teeth.

When I make it downstairs, and begin going through the cupboards until I find the paracetamol. Grabbing a glass of water, I take cautious sips hoping not to throw up again. Just as I am sipping the water, I hear some footsteps and chatter behind me. turning around I see Michael, Mario and Edward, the twins groan after laying eyes on me and are about to leave. Quickly I rush words out before they get out the door.

"Wait I am leaving anyway you don't need to." they turn back and look at me. Edward just stares intently "Listen please, I'm really sorry for being the way I am. I don't mean to be, I understand if you want nothing to do with me. I really don't want to hurt any of you, and I am disgusted by the way I have been." the boys stare at me confused whilst Edward comes over and hugs me, this time I return the hug. Michael and Mario then come over and steal me from him, sandwiching me between them.

"We accept your apology, and were not annoyed just hurt and worried." the twins talk into my hair before pulling away and just staring at me, tears in their eyes. I pull away with a weak smile and head to Lucifers room I really need to apologise to my twin. Walking in I see Lucifer and Lucas both asleep on the bed. This is probably the best time to talk, when they can't hear me. Sitting on the edge of the bed; I begin pouring my heart out to the sleeping boys.

"I know your both asleep and won't hear me say this but I will say it anyway. As I am too much of a coward to say all this to your faces so this is actually easier, you're all curious about my past because you only know half of it. Which is understandable, so I'm going to do my best to explain some things. But Lucas I am so sorry, I left you crying when you needed me. I wasn't there for you; I feel guilty for treating you poorly you were worried and I left you and I will spend every day regretting that I should have comforted you and talked to you rather than running away. And Luci I am also sorry that you had to put up with my shit, you're the only one I have remotely opened up to and I am sorry to the others for that, but I am still so sorry for all the shit I do. thirdly I need to tell you this, I have never told anyone this and probably never will but I will say it anyway. When I was around 11, I met Asher, he helped me a lot fed me trained me to protect myself and if it wasn't for him, I would be dead, I literally owe him my life. I never told him anything about what went on in that house and every time he tried to ask questions about my bruises or scars, I just shut him down. The first person I killed was just before my 12th birthday, it was an accident. I was in an ally it was dark and I was taking a shortcut home. The guy tried to rape me, he had one of my wrists in his hands and chucked me to the floor. Then I pulled a knife out from my pocket and stabbed him, over and over until I didn't feel any more pain. Asher was pretty open with me so at that time I knew about the mafia. He helped me cover it up. A couple months later when I was 12, in that same alley these guys were following me and cat calling me, and I had a gun this time. I shot all 4 of them, and I was running away because I ended up being chased by police but this guy pulled me out of the way saved me from being arrested. Soon after I saw him again, I found out he was the boss, he was like a dad to me in the end. I can't even say his name anymore, he taught me how to take control. Kill anyone and everyone in my way. No one gives you anything in life, you have to take what you need to survive and thrive. I killed him." I sob into a blubbering mess, not able to contain it anymore. "I killed the man that was like a father to me, from then on I killed everyone that got in my way taking the top spot, becoming the mafia queen. People quiver at the sound of the heartless sadistic cold mafia queen. When I took charge, I brought my mafia up to the top 10 in the world. I was so proud of my achievements and I made Asher my personal body guard just so he would stick around and I could make sure he wouldn't die, but it was selfish I was scared of being alone. I still am and it's selfish of me. I am to broken for words. I want to be here for all of you I know I am a disappointment and I can't help that. I have been taught to be this way, it is literally be like this or die. But I really want to be the sister you guys want I hate that I have been here for so little time but you have grown on me. I love you all and want to be a part of your family. First, I need to face my past because then I can move on, hopefully with you guys. If you don't want me that's fine to, I don't think you would all want me for much longer anyway. I create to many problems. I am the definition of destructive, I destroy myself whilst destroying everything and everyone around me. I truly am sorry for hurting all of you." I stand up and sob, "I love you both" I turn around and am faced with all the rest of my brothers, they have tears in their eyes and are just staring at me whilst filling the door way. "h-how much of that did you hear?"

"All of it sorrelina" I hear the voice from behind me, turning around I see Lucas. Shit I didn't mean for them to hear any of that. I catch Gio's eye when I turn back to the door, walking forward i whisper a small sorry to him and push through the middle of all of them, heading to my bedroom. I go to the bathroom about to get in the shower but a sudden wave of nausea hits me and I throw up in the toilet again. After brushing my teeth, I shower and go straight to my closet to get changed. I decide on Lucas's hoodie and a pair of shorts, going back into my room I see the one person I have no patience left for.

*Lucas POV*

Lucifer and I were awake when Lucia came in, we had only just woken up and we listened to her cry I can tell how sorry she was I wanted to comfort her so bad but I couldn't if she knew I was listening she wouldn't ever finish her story. I listened to my little sister apologise and pour her heart out to us. I want to know who that guy she was talking about was. She said she killed him but how can she kill a mafia boss without all his men killing her. It doesn't make sense. It enrages me to find out he was the one that made my sister this way, making her hate herself.

I also think there is something wrong with Antonio I don't know what it is about him but there is something off about him. And I don't like it not one bit. I have voiced my concerns to the boys as well and they agree that there is something off about him. But we have decided to play the long game, let him make our sister happy whilst we try to figure it out. Lucky for us though from what Lucia said she might make it easier for us by breaking up with him. I think she wants to confront her past demons before she moves on. Although I can't tell if she is really into the relationship, it doesn't seem her style.