Their Playlist | l.s

Track 1

[Two Ghosts is currently playing]

In which Louis and Harry look back on their relationship separately on the night that HS1 is released and decide to reach out to one another again.

-

It was the night before the release date of Harry's solo debut and he was feeling all the normal release day pressures. On top of that, he had written a song specifically for his ex-bandmate/boyfriend, Louis Tomlinson. The two boys hadn't spoken in a while, and it was stressing him out. Even if Louis didn't realise it was about him, the fans would. Harry smiled a little when thinking of them, aching for the support that he needed.

'Do you think he'll know it's about him? We haven't spoken in months, I'm so nervous.' Harry panicked. He fiddled with his long fingers, sliding the cool metal of his rings up and down his digits. He looked helplessly around the room, stressing himself ou about the days to come.

'Harry, relax. Even if he doesn't, you're saying what you've wanted to say for years. You're free, remember? Take that as a positive.' Jeff said. He was used to this, he had been working with Harry for the whole process of writing the record. Harry was a good person to work with - he was polite and always had input with everything - but he was a perfectionist and he worried about the little things. It was understandable, especially after the career he had just left behind for a few years.

Harry gave Jeff a small, unconvinced smile. He couldn't remember feeling so anxious before a release day. With a sigh, he stood up and ran his hand through his hair. It was only 9pm, but he felt exhausted. He walked out of the room and went up to bed. He changed out of his clothes and flopped to his bed, unlocking his phone. He reached to his bedside table and flicked his lamp on, stopping to look to the framed picture on the top of the small cabinet.

The picture in question was from the shoot of the first music video they had ever shot. It was behind the scenes footage of the boys, in particular, himself and Louis. Harry was smiling like an idiot in the photo, his large hand being held by Louis' smaller one. The two hands were pressed into Louis' chest and Harry's head rested onto Louis' shoulder. Louis was smiling too, and God did Harry miss that smile. He always avoided looking at old pictures, but that one was too precious to let go of. It had been on his nightstand for years and was the reason that it was such a special song for him.

Harry sighed, picking up the photo and looking at it as if he were studying something precious, something that deserved to be in a museum. The glass pane at the front had gotten a little dusty. He brushed some of it off, fingers lingering over Louis' smiling face. Harry didn't know what he'd do to get to see Louis smile like that again.

He thought about everything that the two of them had been through together. He reminisced over all the times that they were brought together, all the times that the love that they once shared felt invincible. One prevailing memory that had stuck with him for as long as he could remember was right from the start of everything when the band just got formed. He remembered jumping into Louis' arms, wrapping his legs around the slender boy's small waist. The feelings of happiness that he felt at that moment was something unique to him, and all he needed was those feelings again. He felt so giddy for weeks after that, he felt how it felt to fall in love with someone and for it not to end up falling through within a few months.

Another memory came to his mind soon after. It was when the two o them were told that they could live together. Harry could still remember the literal glow that his then-boyfriend had at that meeting. It made his heartache in a comforting yet painful way, remembering everything. He wished Louis could glow like that again, but knew it was impossible for at least another few years.

What hurt Harry the most is that Louis took away all the pain so that Harry didn't have to deal with it all at age sixteen.

And with that, all the painful memories came flooding back to him. All the times he's felt hurt or betrayed or lost or unworthy of love. It hit Harry like a brick, and he could feel the tears burning in his eyes. He didn't blame or resent Louis like he did when he was younger, he just hated himself for feeling the way he did at the time. Louis gave up his freedom so that Harry was protected. He still didn't understand a lot of what he thought of felt at that time. He was so young, so naive. What the hell was a sixteen-year-old kid meant to do in that situation? It still baffled him.