your shelby marx!?!

who am i?

Another essay cause why not? :3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Who am I? A question that would pop up in my headspace for quite some time during my years of experiencing highschool. The questions had started up during my freshman year, the year where everything was extremely confusing and people trying to figure out how to ride out this road called life without any troubles. Was i this person who always kept to themselves, considered as most people call the quiet kid? Was I this person who strives to becoming successful the best they could during their years down the line? Who was I to society.

At a young age I always questioned myself, i questioned what role I played in during school. I questioned what I'm doing most of the time when left alone to my thoughts. I question a lot of things but none ever get answered. So with that i once again lushed them down into a darkened corner in my mind and kept going with what i was suppose to do during my everyday life.

Skipping into sophomore year there was a period of time that I questioned myself: gender wise. I didn't know where to fit in the spectrum of it. Was i a female or male? That question lingered in the back of my mind for quite sometime. It was one that kept resurfacing every year but I pushed it down because I for one knew it wouldn't be answered anytime soon and plus it was irrevalent. I had school to worry about and it's work that was suppose to get done. But somehow in someway it kept creeping back into my mind, asking what was i in to society eyes, asking what I labeled myself as, asking all these things that I hadnt got the answers to just yet.

The questions I had bothered me for the next two remaining years I had. Now up in my senior year I had enough of the soirrling questions. Contacting my best friend who was trans I asked him for advice and how he came to terms with what he was. He told me it wasn't easy coming to terms with his true identity, it took a lot of trials and errors to figure it out but he searched up every gender out there before he decided that trans was the one that fitted him most. His advice to me was to search for every type of gender out there and it's pronouns. He told me to research their meanings and see how the descriptions fitted me the most. Of course with technology we have today, I gotten a lot of information for the genders out there living the life. But one in particular caught my attention. Gender-fluid: it's description informed me that it was a gender that fluctuates between male and female. Sometimes both or neither. Pronouns didn't really matter because you went by any!

I spent a whole month trying out this new style and label during school hours and off. And it felt pretty good being comfortable with it, It was a nice feeling finally answering what I've been questioning my whole life. Shortly after I told my friends about my new found gender and surprisingly they were all accepting, Everyone adjusted into it pretty quickly except I had one problem- I haven't told my parents. So I kept it a secret for a few months, asked my friends to address me as they usually would around my parents when they interacted, just a regular smegular thing. However After I turned 18 I told my parents who I was, they laughed at first which made me extremely nervous But Slowly but surely they accepted how I wanted to be, I was overjoyed of how far I came from having so many questions revolving who I was to finally answering them after years of searching for answers for those said questions. All in all I'm glad my questions had been answered and I'm glad I get to share my story out there with others who are questioning themselves as well. I want others to know it's ok to have second thoughts about yourself and it's ok to wonder what fits you best, And that You are never alone Despite how lonely you may feel.
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Ooo another one! So how was this one? A bit better? Any adjustments here? Opinions folks opinions! XDD