Fallen Angel

I miss you bad

Ebenezar

I watched as a ray of sunlight 

The house has felt so dark and lonely without the both of them. 

It's crazy how Lolana can fill this big double storey house with her presence, and love alone; I miss her so bad and I messed up even more.

I haven't been at work ever since she left, and I've began to seep deep into my depression; again.

Lately, my mind has been clouded with all kinds of thoughts and I've been having nightmares of her leaving me forever or having a happier life with another man other than me.

The thought itself agonises me, but I wouldn't be mad if she were to leave for someone better because she deserves so much more.

I guess they're right when they say "once a cheater, always a cheater".

I haven't gone back to my substance abuse ways, but isolating myself from other people is even worse, because when your mind is unstable it can really become your worst enemy above all things that can destroy you.

Before Lola had found out she was pregnant, I had been seeing other women, I wasn't sexually active with any of them at first and I had absolutely no feelings towards them, I just had a problem with entertaining them.

I'd come to realise that I hadn't left all my little boy tendencies as I thought.

When Lola asked me if I had another female's interests, I denied it because I knew she was pregnant and I didn't want her to leave me or take away my seed, So I lied and played it off.

I tried to seek help but it didn't help, it's not easy and I do want to be better, I just don't know how.

Recently I have been having been having affairs with my female secretary, when she first approached me she was just different and had sex appeal but she was nothing compared to Lola.

I know you must think I'm crazy, but the only reason I was sleeping with her was because she was always there and Lola wasn't, not to say that Lola is never with me but because I was at work most of the time.

And since Lola became pregnant, travelling became harder as she continued into her trimesters and she was too tired to come over frequently.

I stopped messing around for a while after she became even more suspicious and almost found some sneaky messages on my phone.

But once it mellowed down, I continued, I just couldn't resist her. When Lola had reached her last trimester I stopped for a bit and fired the secretary, giving Lolana my full attention and care.

However, when she gave birth I stopped completely and became a new man, I gave those females all up and cleaned my hands.

I thought that it was all for my boy games and focused on being a loyal husband and a good father to my son.

It's was all running smoothly and well for most of it until the day of the phone call.

We had returned from church and I went to shower first.

I thought I had heard Lola calling my name in the shower but ignored it.

But once I was done, she came in saying that my "girlfriend" was on the phone and that she wanted to talk to me. I was so confused on who she was referring to but then I remembered who, my body tensed up instantly and she left the bathroom, I was going to go after her and explain everything but I had to deal with this heifer first.

She was rambling over the phone about me disappearing on her or whatever but I wasn't listening to her but the sound of Lola doing something in the room, instantly I knew she was packing.

However, the girl finally caught my attention when she had said she was pregnant.

My heart dropped, I told her she had to be lying and that the baby wasn't mine because we used protection everytime, even then she stated that there were still chances.

After what she said, I really wasn't paying attention to anything but my thoughts. I finally ended the call, got dressed and went downstairs to find Lola.

I was confused on what was going on, but I could tell that she was about to leave.

She explained somethings to me but i was hardly paying attention to her, mainly in my thoughts from what I heard with my side piece being pregnant and my wife leaving.

I only managed to hear a few key words: "I'm leaving you", "don't call me", "you can see our son but not me", and "I love you", and just like she was gone.

Ever since then, I've been unable to sleep in our bed so I've been crashing on the couch until she comes back, whenever that is.

What scares me the most is that she left me and the house in once piece.

Her silence is the most dangerous weapon for me and is my ultimate weakness, I never know where her mind is when she's quiet and that worries me.

Lola is such a unique woman,  her kind is truely special and so rare, I don't want to loose her, I can't.

I've had significant women step out of my life from my mum to my first love, and they shattered me completely.

It took years of rebuilding and restoring,  and I can't have my heart break again. I love Lola I really do, and my love for her runs deep, it's spiritual. I didn't want to hurt her intentionally I'm... I'm just human and I messed up bad,

I'm not excusing myself for anything I'm just human. I need her back and I miss her.

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Yes, I finally did a POV on Ebenezar because there are two sides of every story. His POV will continue for a while and then back to Lolana's. Thank you guys for your support, I really, really appreciate it and you. ❤️

xX.Leniya.Xx