Only You

Chapter 2

Owen had been in intensive care for almost two days. They'd taken out his ventilator but he remained hooked up to countless drips and machines. He was still covered in (now crusted over) red spots and, despite signs the infection was clearing, he was still very sick.

They weren't sure if the seizures had caused brain damage and they couldn't be until the swelling of his brain and spinal cord had been given time to ease. Natalie wasn't sure if he would wake up the same little boy that she had left the other morning. The one who was only just managing to find his mouth with a spoon; the one who smiled at her every morning over the bars of his crib where he waited to be picked up and smothered with kisses; the little boy who just weeks ago took his first shaky steps across the living room floor into her waiting arms. She could barely look at him without wanting to cry, she just sat by his side, holding his hand and stroking the soft, dark hair on his head.

"You can hold him, y'know."

She glanced up. Will was sitting on the other side of Owen. He hadn't left their sides longer than it took to run to the cafeteria for coffee and food. His was the reassuring hand she felt on her back her when the paediatricians came in on their rounds and they had to step away to let her son be examined. His were the arms that held her in relief when they took the breathing tube out and Owen breathed from himself. Just like the hours before her son was born, Will Halstead was her rock.

She smiled weakly. "I know, I just –"

"You won't hurt him Nat." Will stepped around the bed to stand beside her. "Let me." With gentle hands on her shoulders he guided her down into the armchair that had been doubling as her bed the past two nights. She watched as he gently, and careful of the many tubes and wires criss-crossing the baby, scooped Owen into his arms and passed him over. "There we go." He smiled, adjusting a blanket over the pair of them. "Better?"

Looking up, she offered him a real smile. She had never gone so long without feeling her baby in her arms since he was born and the relief she felt at the warm weight of him, the feel of his breath against her chest was unbelievable. "Thank you." He grinned back and moved to crouch beside them. He reached out and ran a gentle hand across the baby's head, pressed a gentle kiss to the crown. Natalie felt her chest tighten at the sight. "Will -" She trailed off, unable to articulate what she needed him to know, tears threatening again.

"Hey, don't cry. It's okay, he's gonna be okay." He reached up to brush a lone tear from her cheek. "I know it."

"I just –" She sucked in a breath. "I don't know how I would have coped without you these past few days." She stroked her son's cheek absently, not wanting to look at Will. "You have no idea how much it means to me, to not have to do this alone."

"You never have to be alone, Nat." Will raised himself up so they were level with one another. "I've told you before – there are few people I care about more. You and Owen mean so much to me, Natalie. I will always be here for you and that applies to more than just during a crisis like this. You know that if you ever need me, for anything, I'll be there." He pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Her heart clenched. "Thank you. Thank you so much." She looked away, deliberating, before meeting his gaze again. "It makes such a difference ...never mind, it's just, nice to have you here."

"No, don't be stupid, you can tell me anything."

Natalie stood so abruptly Will had to jump backwards. She placed Owen gently back down and gripped the crib bars, unwilling to face him for what she had to say next. "I thought that I had done the bulk of my grieving for Jeff before Owen was born, but that wasn't true. I think that being pregnant, having a pregnancy to focus on, distracted me. It wasn't until Owen was born and I had him home, alone, without Helen, that I really felt his absence." She looked up nervously. "When he was crying incessantly, when he was fussy or unwell I missed Jeff, I wanted him there to help me. To be with his son. And then I went back to work – back to you, and something changed. Instead of wishing Jeff was there, I wished that you were there with me. Helping me with Owen – and not just when it was particularly hard. When he was sitting, smiling, crawling. I wanted to share that with someone – I wanted to share it with you." She gave a shaky sigh and turned, leaning against the crib with folded arms. "It scared me Will, that I could feel so much for someone who wasn't Jeff –he hadn't been dead even a year and I was falling for someone else. Falling for you. And then you kissed me and you made it so real, not just something that existed just in my head. You wanted me as much as I wanted you and that scared me, I panicked. I should never have pushed you away." She could see the shock in his eyes, see him floundering for words. "I'm not telling you this to hurt you. I'm not telling you this because you're with Nina now because I don't want to screw this up for you. You deserve to be happy – it's all I want for you. I'm telling you because you deserve to know." She held his gaze. "You deserve to know that there's few people I care about more than you too."