Only You

Chapter 3

The next couple of hours passed painfully slowly. Natalie was preoccupied with watching her son intently for any signs of returning consciousness and Will was glad for her distraction. Mainly because he was having issues with keeping his eyes off her.

It was like he was back to square one again, back to the latter weeks of her pregnancy with Owen, when looking at her, even just catching sight of her brought on a rush of emotions. He loved her. He knew that. He'd known it for a long time. He loved her enough to let her go when she wasn't ready, to let her find her feet again even though it wasn't with him. He loved her despite the jealousy he felt whenever he seen Clarke anywhere near her. Her loved her despite the fact he had Nina, had moved in with Nina, loved Nina.

Nina was good for him. She brought a little sunshine into his world, a cheerfulness and brightness he wouldn't have believed possible from someone who spent their entire day surrounded by the dead. She was quirky and funny and beautiful. She didn't come with close to half the baggage that Nat did. She had never been married, had no children, no major personal responsibilities other than her work. In many ways, Nina was the antithesis to Natalie, who was still processing the loss of her husband and trying to strike a balance between being a doctor and being a single parent. Nina was free, uncomplicated. Their relationship was easy; they'd not even had any hint of a problem. Up until recently.

Her questions about his past with Natalie was the first indication that perhaps he wasn't quite as good at masking his feelings quite as well as he imagined. Sure, they'd moved on from their awkward kiss and their petty arguments but that didn't mean his feelings for her had diminished. It just wasn't something he could turn off on demand. Nina took his mind off Natalie, distracted him from how he felt and he did love her, just not like he loved Natalie. He loved Nina for what she gave him, the light she brought to his life, the happiness and, yes distraction, that she provided.

The way he felt about Natalie was completely different. She had been his friend since the minute he took up his post at Med. She was easy for him to get along with, she made him laugh, she was the first real friend he had had in a long time, Jay excepted. Natalie had been there while he worked through the initial antagonism his brother had towards him about his inability to deal with their mother's illness and subsequent death, both at the time and in the present. She had been understanding of his refusal to return to a situation that, despite every ounce of medical training he had, he couldn't improve. There was nothing he could do to help her, the last thing he wanted to do was see the woman who had raised him and supported him his entire life waste away before him. So he stayed away – and Natalie was the first to say she understood his decision. The first to understand why he did it and the only person who seemed to be able to help him navigate through the guilt he felt.

Then, suddenly, Jeff was dead and their friendship was turned on its head. He was the supportive one while Natalie struggled to comprehend the loss she had suffered. Will was the person she had gone to when she had found out she was pregnant. While Helen and Maggie had accompanied her to OBGYN appointments and scans, Will was the one providing the bulk of the emotional support, making sure she was doing as well as could be expected.

He couldn't pin point exactly where the "hair pulling" as he had phrased it to Natalie had started. All he knew is that when he realised the depth of his feelings he had tried to push her away, keep her at arm's length and hope that it was enough to dampen his affection for her. But it didn't and he kept finding himself apologising, sticking bars of chocolate in her coat pocket for her to find after an argument, helping her with bags, offering her to drive her to hospital when she went into labour. And then the push and pull became too much for her and she snapped, he kissed her and his feelings were out there for Natalie to see.