A Lesson to Learn

Chapter 16

 Rey was growing more and more curious, which when teamed up with her rising impatience, was not helping her situation. She wasn't angry - no, not angry. At least not yet. But she was feeling increasingly frustrated.

Rey knew that Kylo valued his privacy and was generally quiet about a lot of things pertaining to his personal life. While that didn't generally bother Rey, Kylo was notoriously tight lipped about everything to the point that sometimes Kylo's personal life was all Rey could think about. It was like the big elephant in the room that never got addressed, growing larger and larger as time went on.

They had been going out for just over a month now and had spent most of their time together, with Kylo sleeping over at least a few times a week - but Rey had yet to even know where Kylo lived. She wasn't even sure what part of Philadelphia he lived in. All of these unanswered queries led to even further questioning and spiraling. It wasn't like Rey didn't try to pry some answers out of him, but Kylo would always skirt around the subject or turn it back to her and it was starting to drive Rey crazy.

Rey was so caught up in what Kylo's personal life was like that she would find herself daydreaming about aspects of it during work. Would he have a neat house? Did he have a monochrome color palette or did he have some pops of color? What kind of art was on his walls? Did he have a modern looking space or was it homey? Were there family photos on his walls or on his desk?

Rey wondered about where he grew up and his family. What kind of business was the family business (other than vaguely a "people business")? Was Kylo's childhood home full of light and laughter or was it cold and distant? Was Kylo's father in the picture? She had never heard mention of any father figure and Rey was almost afraid to ask. She knew that Kylo wouldn't necessarily be upset if she brought it up, but she was so tired of being shut out that she didn't want to mention it.

Maybe she would have felt differently if she was less of a family-oriented person, but the truth was that her family and friends were her life, and she loved to share that aspect of herself with Kylo. The idea that he didn't want to share back was starting to hurt. Rey knew that Kylo had mentioned some family drama and problems, but sometimes he would speak about his sister, Lilith, and he would recall a memory they shared with fondness before moving onto another topic. So it couldn't all have been bad, right?

Kylo had even mentioned that one time an old friend had come to visit him a handful of weeks ago and they had gotten sidetracked catching up, but Kylo never mentioned the friend again and never made any effort to introduce them. Rey just wished that Kylo would feel comfortable confiding in her about anything, especially if it was about his family or friends.

They were moving so quickly and getting so wrapped up in each other that Rey had even been toying with the idea of mentioning the big "L" word, but some days Rey felt like she wasn't even sure who Kylo Ren really was. Sure, Rey knew his favorite foods and desserts (how he loves chocolate and raspberries and has been developing a sweet tooth from all their baking and treats at the First Order) and some of his quirks (like pretending he doesn't like romantic comedies but continuing to watch the movies even when Rey falls asleep and he could have changed the channel or show), but she also was more than aware that somebody's upbringing, personal space, and social circle often made a big impact on that person. Was it too much to ask for just one night at his apartment?

Rey didn't want to seem overly obsessed with the topic, but it was certainly beginning to weigh on her. She didn't know how to bring it up, but the bottom line was that it was going to have to be mentioned sooner or later. As she turned around in bed and looked over at Kylo's sleeping figure, Rey gazed at Kylo's softened features as he slept and watched how his body moved up and down with his deep breaths, wondering whether the man beside her was simply a private man who wasn't used to sharing his life or if there was the possibility of something darker - a deep, mysterious secret he wasn't willing to share. Rey hoped it was the former.