redamancy // l.h au

nineteen and a half

Luke's eyes wouldn't close; his mind wandered out to Rhea, who was draped over the couch a few feet away, sound asleep. His head pounded, which was now something he was used to on nights like this. He didn't bother reaching for his phone to check the time; it didn't matter to him anyways. 

Rhea's hair was a beautiful tangled mess, as always. She slept with her mouth slightly open, an obvious stream of drool coming out of her pink mouth. Luke nearly leaned over to wipe it away, but he held himself back. 

She murmured in her sleep, forehead creasing in worry. She'd fallen asleep instantly after coming up the elevator and dropping onto the couch. Luke had to lift her head and push a pillow beneath it. Half asleep, she'd grabbed onto his hand as he had tried to pull away, muttering something underneath her breath. 

Luke had untangled himself from her grasp and sat on the floor a few feet away, back against the sofa. To be honest, he hadn't even tried to sleep. He hadn't been sleeping well at all these past few weeks, so he didn't see the reason to start now.

Maybe it was seeing her that made his palms sweat and his fingers shake. He'd called her, immediatly regretting it afterwards. When she'd showed up at the theater, he saw doubles. Her big brown eyes were in a set of twos; he was captivated by their beauty, but terrified of the look of annoyance that accompanied them.

"Luke?" Rhea muttered, still in a dream state.

Luke's head shot up, his heart racing at her voice.

God, he thought to himself, what the hell am I doing?

The thought of Lindy popped into his head. The way she'd pulled him into her that night a few weeks ago. She's kissed him, and he wasn't sober enough to stop her. He's pulled at his hair at the thought of it and looked over at Rhea, the girl he'd never thought would even speak to him again. 

That night came in nightmare flashes to Luke, almost as if it was a lucid dream. He remembered dancing with Rhea, smiling at her and laughing. Her smile was the happiest he had seen it; her cheeks were tinted pink and puffed up when she laughed. She had a dimple beneath her eye that deepened whenever Luke had told a terrible joke. 

He remembered how beautiful she looked then, and how heartbroken she looked when she'd walked into his bedroom later on. She whimpered, and the sound of it shattered his heart. 

Luke pulled at his hair, again and again. 

Lindy had pulled him into a kiss a few seconds before she walked in. He didn't even quite remember how he'd gotten there. His vision was blurred and his stomach was doing flips. 

"Stop-" He had pushed her away, softly, afraid of hurting her. The girl had shaken her head and pulled him in. She yanked his hands into her hair, where they stayed. His lips stayed still, while hers were pushed full force. 

He'd jumped off Lindy the minute Rhea ran out the door. He'd yelled her name, so many times that his voice was sore. He still yelled when Michael stopped him. 

"Luke, no." Michael had said, putting a hand to his chest. "You can't do this, not right now." 

Luke was about to scream at his best friend before he became aware of himself. He was trembling, swaying from side to side. He felt sober, but his body didn't seem to get the message. 

He ran to the bathroom, bile forming in his mouth. He's puked in the toilet; three times. Michael stayed at the door, rubbing Luke's back every so often. 

He'd called Rhea all night, sent countless text messages. He even grabbed his jacket at four a.m to go to Charlotte's apartment, but Ashton had stopped him. He's passed out at seven in the morning, but didn't sleep for too long. 

When he saw her the next day, her eyes were filled with regret. He understood, of course. He couldn't even forgive himself for what he had done. 

The weeks went by, but it had felt like months. He'd stayed at home, in his room, re-read the books she'd given to him, and called her each day. Of course, she never picked up. 

The past few days were especially worse, though. He'd been drinking too much, way too much. No one was there to tell him to stop, and he had no reason to, anyway. 

Luke knew attending the party would be a terrible idea. He didn't know where it was, or who was hosting it. He gulped down beers faster than he had in a long while. It was after his fifth cup when he saw Lindy. 

She gave him a smug smile and walked towards him, but he'd backed away, stumbling into a coffee table. "Luke, you haven't called me." 

Luke scoffed, turning his back and making his way towards the door. One of his friends, he couldn't remember which, was supposed to be watching him, but he couldn't see any of them in sight. 

"Luke!" She whined, putting her hand on his shoulder, turning him around. 

He swatted it away, "Don't." Her mouth dropped open. Before she could reply, however, he was already half way down the street, calling for a cab. 

Now, he was hungover and exhausted. 

"I hope you can forgive me, Rhea." Luke whispered to himself, but a voice answered him anyway. 

"I do." Rhea was still half-asleep, she probably wasn't even sure what she was saying. Her eyes were closed still, and her mouth opened for a yawn. 

"How?" Luke asked, quietly. 

"Because. . .." The beautiful girl trailed off, sound asleep once more.

His heart pounded in his throat, matching to the same beat of the pounding in his skull. Luke moved closer to her, making sure she was asleep, before he placed his lips on her cheek. 

Her cheek was soft, and he swore her lips turned up in a smirk when he pulled away. He wanted to kiss her, every moment he was with her. But he couldn''t. He'd messed up his chances. He hated himself for it. 

Luke had texted Charlotte off his phone, telling her he'd drop her off in the morning. Inevitably, he didn't sleep at all. 

I mean, how could he? Rhea was snoring so loudly, anyhow.