An Open Heart

Dear Dad💔.

You know dad over the years a lot of people told me to just forgive you and others even asked "How come you want an apology but he doesn't even know you're mad?". Honestly I never told you I was mad because I'm not and I never was.... just hurt you know? yeah you're trying now and I really appreciate that, thank you for your presents but that's not what I want, what I want is your presence and what I want more is for you to say sorry and I don't want you to look at me and say you're Sorry for leaving.I want you to look at me in my eyes and tell me that you're sorry for loving another woman's daughter the way you were supposed to love me. You know dad, I was your one and only girl yet I still somehow cease to exist in your world. Every time I dance I'll keep going because of you, because for some reason every time I'm finished I had hope that one day you'd look at me and tell me you were proud of me, I will still wait for the day you tell me you love me, not because you're obligated to but because you meant it. Honestly I feel like you were stolen From me,I was your one and only girl so I had every right to be selfish but no. So let me ask you this question how is it? you know ,to sit down with another family every night and do the same again the next day? honestly I wonder if you ever think of me because I think of you all the time? you know I used to blame you for the reasons I was unhappy. Although it wasn't your fault it was mine, I was unhappy because I couldn't let go of the fairytale that you'd still show up, I made myself angry with the expectations I had for you..... but I've let them go,honestly I do wonder if you're proud of me? I mean you should be but I'm not sure...Sometimes I do question if you love me? I mean you should but I'm still not sure. I think it's fair to say that I'm sorry For all the times we'd speak and it was awkward. Only because those were the times where we had time but i've played my part, I cried my tears, I wiped my tears, I fell down and got back up again so I've completed my role just waiting for you to do the same.

sincerely Alissa Fernandez.