To Learn to Let Go | ✔

Chapter 25

Wednesday morning, I did not want to get out of bed. My parents repeatedly entered my room to try to wake me and each time I rolled over and went back to sleep. It wasn't until Trent arrived that I actually got up, by that point I had to rush to shower and grab a snack to eat on the way for breakfast. I held Trent's hand nervously as we drove to the courthouse, I asked if I could go with Trent to make myself feel better. As we walked up the steps, I noticed reporters all eagerly awaiting Adam's arrival. I was grateful that none of them knew that I was the victim, and hopefully it would be kept that way.

"It'll be okay," Trent said as he grabbed my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. I forced a smile and we continued into the courthouse. We were greeted by two security guards who immediately asked us to remove everything from our pockets and step through the metal detector. An officer also had to pat us down, which sent me on a downward spiral toward a panic attack. My chest tightened and I became short of breath, my nerves definitely did not help the situation. Once I was finally cleared through security we were escorted to a room with my parents and lawyer. I sat in the back of the room, leg shaking uncontrollably, not speaking to anyone. I was too busy trying to work up the courage to testify. In my counseling sessions with Dr. Meyer we worked on ways to cope with today. I thought about getting justice, how it might feel. I told myself that I was strong, that I've been through a lot and I deserve to get justice.

We sat in that meeting room for what felt like hours but was probably only just one. Katrina tried to get me to practice my testimony, but I refused to speak to anyone. When we were finally called, I shakily stood up and immediately latched myself on to Trent. He held my hand tightly as we walked to the courtroom. Unfortunately, he couldn't sit with me in the courtroom, I had to sit up front with my lawyer, and he had to sit behind in the seats until he was called to testify himself. I reluctantly let go of his hand and made my way to my seat.

"All rise for the honorable Judge Mason," the bailiff announced as the judge entered the courtroom. I shakily stood up and held the table in front of me for balance as I watched the judge, a woman in her mid 40's maybe, enter the courtroom. She took her seat and we all followed. A few moments later we heard another "all rise," and everyone, the judge included, stood for the jury. I watched the jurors enter, there were more women than men, which made me relax a little bit. This was good according to Katrina, women tended to be more sympathetic to sexual assault victims than men. Unfortunately, the reason is because most of them have experienced an assault themselves. It's sad that I was hoping that these women understood my trauma.

"The representation for the defense has the floor, you may make your opening statements," Judge Mason said as Adam's lawyer, a middle aged woman with jet black hair, slicked back in a bun that was so tight it gave her a facelift, stood and made her way to the center of the room. For the first time since arriving in the courtroom I looked at Adam. He was really laying it on thick, he had bags under his eyes and a depressed look on his face. He was really trying to drum up sympathy. Hopefully it wouldn't work.

"Your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my client has been accused of a heinous crime that he simply did not commit," his lawyer started, and I nearly scoffed in response. She then went on to argue that I had come on to Adam, and had been obsessed with him for years, and that he was trying to push me off of him when I hit my head. As she spoke the anger in me rose and I began shaking, not from anxiety, but from rage. I wanted so badly to just stand up and object, but unfortunately this was not a courtroom drama on tv, and I was not in the position to do so. Once opening statements were made on both sides, the defense got to call their witnesses.

They called the officers who responded to the scene, the paramedics, and my parents. With each set of witnesses, they tried to sew doubt into the jury's minds, make them think that it's possible that I was the aggressor. All the paramedics could confirm was that I had a head injury, not exactly how I received it. The lawyer tried to use my parents' relationship with Adam to make him seem like a trustworthy guy, how could the man who was their best friend betray them like that? Pretty fucking easily lady let me tell you. Katrina, of course, cross examined all of these witnesses, and was able to, in my opinion, stamp out any doubt there may have been. She asked the paramedics and the officers to describe the scene they walked in to that night, she brought up statistics on sexual assaults usually being by close friends or family, she simply let the facts speak for themselves.