The Black Death

Chapter nine

nothing to say 

-flash back-

" so miss marshal I've learned that you have a step mother your dad remarried?" The Adam asked
"Married, my dad never married my mom only my step mom" I said
"Tell me about her and your step family" he asked

      They turned my life into one fucked up Cinderella story but in this story my dad didn't die my step mom just brain washed him and turned him against me. but ill start from the beginning, i was five when my dad met her at first she was nice the mother i needed but then my half brother was born then i got tossed aside at a young and threw out the years i had to throw out the trash and clean the house. i would miss school cause they would want me to stay home to clean the apartment i was, threw out my young years i was noting but a waste of air to the nothing else. i cant that's when the darkness happened cause i think i was born this way but none the less if i was or not its when the depression started even if i didn't know what it was back then, those people gave me PTSD and mental scares and demons that i cant seem to run from she locked me in the basement when she didn't want me around she took my father from me abused me in more then one way. i mentality cut my self off from the world not knowing that i did but i did kept everyone at an arm distance so i wouldn't get hurt. that wall just became thicker over time so did my hate for that woman she almost broke my noise when i was ten blamed me for stuff the other kids did told me i had to keep my hair straight cause since i wasn't her child i don't need to have it. i never had a mother or my dad for most of my life i always had my own back when it came to things 

"you're a survivor. if i may out of what you told me all your life the only thing you did was survive and now that's all you know how to do, you've always been on your own taking care of your self threw basically hell, and that wall you put up against the world is so thick you don't see the people that are waiting for you on the other side that are will to stand by you and help. that's not your fault either its your step families fault, your ex's fault all they hell you went threw and the people that helped put you threw they got you where you are and kept pushing you further down that deep dark whole that you seem to be stuck in" Adam says 

"how do i get out of the whole doc?" i ask 

"trusting the people that stay cutting the people that are toxic, you didn't ask for this life so why should people put you threw hell, don't let them put you threw it anymore." the doc said " I'm going to tell you a short story, once upon a time there was a scared little girl but one day that little girl, grew up and realized the way to stop being scared was to be scary. that little girl is you miss marshal, you turned into this young girl that went threw so much pain and suffering that you turned that pain into you power. I've only known you for a short time but from what i have seen you're a leader, very strong headed, someone that follows what she thinks is right even if she standing alone. you are bestfriends with the most dangerous mafia kings you have an army talked your way out of trouble more then once. what i wanna know is what got you to not go down with out a fight now when you are truly innocent" Adam says 

"doc, nothing made me stop I'm still me and going or trying to I've just lost to many people and it can rip you apart when you feel like everyone you get close to dies that you cursed to live out my your days alone. i don't want to be alone i wanna start a family with the man i love and grow old happy" i say starting to cry " I've lost so many people and I've even lost my self i live with none stop pain and i cant even see the one that is my last bit of light cause they wont let him visit me. i wanna get out of here doc one way or the other i will see the love of my live again one way or the other" 

"you will i promise" the doc says

" doc i feel so empty and alone even though i have all these people that love me i still feel alone in such a dark place, and i don't think i can ever get out of the dark hole a feel into cause i'm in so far that i don't remember what its like to be happy to feel the light on my face and in my heart cause all my heart feel is darkness, and pain. i have this voice in my head telling me i'm not good enough that i'm a waste of space and air. just a bother to everyone ruin everything i have. im suck in my own head to the point were i don't see a point of getting unstuck cause why risk being hurt again." i say crying into mu knee's 

my step family were just part of the hell that is my life but they did half of the damage. starve me, keep me out of school, yell at me for things that had nothing to do with me. i was the real life Cinderella no one cared about the girl that wasn't there own blood i didn't belong so why act like i do. i was bullied in school started in sixth grade walking down the hall getting called names stuff tapped to my back sixth grade was the worst grade of my life but i had my friends and then we met Jason who soon would become Alex's friend and my best friend. everyone joke about how Jason and i had a spark between us but i had my thing with Alex, but when Alex died he gave black mask and me to Jason. black mask is an underground drug and assassin gang that Alex put together in Chicago it didn't take long for it to get big and well known from northeastern Illinois to new York State. we're untouchable only the people that needed to know knew who we are and what we can do, Jason took over and we got close really close. started sleeping together but never dated cause he didn't want people to come after me to get to him so he kept me hidden protected. he made me feel loved and wanted we were best friends, every time he had to leave to go handle something over the road he would promise me he would come back  and he would always bring me back something or give me something. i have like three of his shirts in my room. then one day he was coming back to New York and i was on the phone with him the last thing he told me was he loved me then nothing but the sound of bullets breaking glasses and hitting his car, and i listened to it all staying quite trying not to freak out to wake the whole house but i lost another piece of me when i lost him. everyone i love just kept dying on me and i didn't know how to stop it