Momentary Chronicles

𝒪𝓊𝓇 𝐿𝒶𝓈𝓉 𝒢𝑜𝑜𝒹𝒷𝓎𝑒

The airport was buzzing with lives. People pushing their trolleys, buying something from the souvenir shops and even children's wailing can be heard everywhere.  Even though the environment can be suffocating, but for me, I feel at ease to finally be back in Malaysia.  While waiting for my dad to pick me up, I stretch my body a little bit. The flight journey really does take a toll on my body especially, when it's 13 hours on air from London to Malaysia. After quite some time, I saw a figure coming towards me while waving his hand. It's my dad! I quickly engulfed him in a hug.

During the drive home, we catch on to a lot of things that I have missed during my stay in London. My father told all the events that happened to our family so I do not miss a thing. From good to bad ones. But the most devastating news is when my father told me that my brother does not have any time left soon. The atmosphere in the car changed. My heart feels like it going to burst at that moment as I processing the information. After a couple of seconds, my face was already soaked with tears.

I still remember when we were kids. Fooling around, planning new schemes, and acting like the world is ours. Truthfully, when I was young, I hate him because my parents would pay all the attention to him while I am the one who being lectured. This annoyed me so much. Why did he have to get everything?! I always envy him. As I grew up, I realized that the feeling was childish. It is understanding if my parents would pay more attention to him since he is the youngest. I truly am lucky to have him as my brother. He is my best friend, a shoulder to cry on, and my partner in crime. But all the good things never last forever. At the age of thirteen, my brother was diagnosed with leukemia. His condition kept getting worse as time passed by. Instead of complaining about it, he kept on wearing his cheery smile around us as if nothing happened.

The next day, I visited my brother at the hospital with a novel in hand. He likes to read so I hope the novel that I brought with kept him company. As I walked into his ward, I was greeted with a pale and sunken face of my brother. A boy that is once a chubby person now a walking skeleton. I broke into a smile at the presence of him still breathing and alive. 

"What are you doing at the door? Come here and hug me, sister!" he said while extending his bony hand to hug me.

Without waiting, I ran into him and hug him tight while making sure that I'm not crushing him with my weight. I showered him with kisses all over his face. He giggled a lot. "I miss you so much!" I said it with my face on his chest.

My brother grinned. We talked about everything from the latest news until the juicy hot gossips around the neighborhood. During lunch, we shared our food and ate in silence. The only beeping sound of the machine that is attached to my brother fills the room.  I looked at his face for a long time. Somehow, I felt like this is my last time seeing him beside me eating and giggling at every funny remark I made. I quickly shake my head and continued eating. 

Finally, my brother broke the silence with his hoarse voice. I nearly choked on my food as I heard it.

"If I die, I want you, mom, and dad to carry on to live with happiness".

My eyes get watery. "Hey do not say that! I'm sure you will get well soon! Come on, cheer up brother!". I pinched his cheek. He smiled but the smile does not reach his ears. He grabbed my arms and said, "Promise me that you would take care of them and yourself". 

At last, my tears fall. "I don't want you to leave me! I know you will get better!" . Oh, how many lies that I let myself believe in it. He brought me into his arms. " I would never leave you and I always be there for you until you grey and old" he chuckled. I scrunched my face in confusion as I look at him.

He saw it and quickly stared at the ceiling. "Yes, I will see you from up there".

"Wh-". Before I can argue that, the nurse cut me off and asked me to leave as the visiting time is over. My brother nodded to the nurse and nudged me. 

"Mom gonna be here soon so don't worry big sis, your strong and handsome is not scared to be alone" he grinned. I got up and kissed his cheek.  As I walked to the exit, I heard a yell from my brother. 

"I love you forever Mel!"

I sobbed and told him that I love him more before I going back home. Later that night, I got a call from my mom to come to the hospital. I can feel like my world crumbled. I rushed there with only my pajama pants and a shirt. 

On the same day, I froze at the door of my brother's ward. My knees met the ground as the tears continued to fall. I no longer was greeted with a warm smile of his but the cries of my mother. I never thought that I could cry so hard at that time. The ward that once full of laughter, now only an empty space.

Twenty years have passed since that heartbreaking moment. Many things have changed in my life. My parents? They died in a car crash right after I got my first job. I no longer have anyone. Alone and unwanted. Instead of mopping around, it gave me the strength to become the woman that I am today.  Now, I have stable finances and my own big happy family. However, my body is decaying,  my hair turns grey, and there is so much loose skin on my body as I've become old. Here I am, counting days while lying on my death bed. The time has come. I finally got to see him again.

"Wait for me." with that I close my eyes.