The Internet is a Distract—Oh, Look, A Kitten!
By Ian McWethy
Cast
MICAH
TAYLOR
MOM
ANNOUNCER
CAT/CATSBY
GOOGLE - Me
WIKIPEDIA
WIKIPEDIA CONTRIBUTER
CLICK AD 1
CLICK AD 2
FACEBOOK - Me
JENNY
MARK
GRANDMA
FIONA -Me
AMAZON
CLICK BAIT 1
CLICK BAIT 2
Page Break
Boxing cat is on stage.
ANNOUNCER. (chanting) Boxing cat! Boxing cat! Boxing cat!
MICAH. I don't know. Aren't you a little tired of cat videos?
TAYLOR. No! What kind of a horrible question is that?
MICAH. What?
TAYLOR. How would I ever get tired of seeing cats do incredible or stupid things? I mean, can you imagine what it must have been like 30 years ago? A cat would box! Put on gloves and box like a human and their owner would just be like, "That's cool, I'll just keep this amazing cat boxing to myself. No need to share it with the rest of the world." And then like...we just would never get to see it.
MICAH. I guess that's true.
MOM. (Offstage) Micah!
MICAH. (To MOM) Yeah! (To TAYLOR) Hold on a sec, my mom's calling me. Minimize windows.
(Lights go down on TAYLOR and boxing CAT as MOM walks onstage.)
MOM. What are you doing? I thought you said you were finishing your Great Gatsby paper.
MICAH. I am.
MOM. Well, it doesn't look like it.
MICAH. Mom. Look, I have one paragraph left to write. That's like 3 sentences, and then I'm done. It's not gonna take me that long.
MOM. Well, you have to leave for school in...20 minutes. Are you sure that's enough time? You promised me it would be done last—
MICAH. Mom, I promise, I know exactly what I'm going to write. It's going to take me...5 minutes. At most.
MOM. Fine. But I want to see it before you leave for school. So turn off your internet browser and get to work.
MICAH. What if I need to look something up?
MOM. Then you can turn it on for as long as that takes you to look up that specific article, but otherwise I want you to turn it OFF. Understood?
MICAH. Okay, yeah, fine. I will.
(MOM walks offstage. MICAH huffs.)
MICAH. Maximize window!
(Lights up on TAYLOR, still at her computer.)
MICAH. Hey, I gotta go. Moms being really annoying about this Gatsby paper.
TAYLOR. Alright, I'll see ya later. Oh, hey, I'm thinking of making a meme out of Boxing Cat, so if you have any good meme ideas, let me know. I'm thinking of "This cat likes to PUNCH!"
