"I am wearing these," Tipi said. "And I think I can pull them off, figuratively. But I also assume in most people's eyes I still look ridiculous in these -"
"Lederhosen, " Alex said.
Tipi hopped up and down while observing himself in the wardrobe mirror. The cheerful chime of little cowbells livened up the room. "Nice touch, Alex." Ornamented suspenders on a clean, light blue shirt held up the leather shorts. Ford had cut his hair somewhat haphazardly that morning, but a green felt hat covered that mess up. Similarly, socks pulled up to the knees masked his pale, hairy legs.
"So tell me again why I should go back into the mountains. Nobody has seen me up in any mountain, so where would I go?"
"Our hypothesis," Alex said, "is that you find that out automatically once you get there."
"From my viewpoint, that does not seem like a very hopeful hypothesis."
"You have to," Ford said.
"That also does nothing to convince me."
"You can't do this to us!" Ford paced up and down the hotel room. "You made me find my peace, marry my wife, and quit my job to follow my passion of collecting and trading stamps. This all happened when you were up in the mountains. If you stay in your current state, you will ruin everything!"
"What Ford is saying is that the world just desperately needs you to be who you are meant to be."
"But what if this was meant to be. Maybe I should go back to living an ordinary life. I have been reset. I died a video game death and restarted the level with a new life."
"Fine!" Alex said.
"Great." said Tipi.
"But we're not accepting that." Alex took out a piece of paper from his jacket. "We had an emergency meeting yesterday with the club and we managed to collect enough money to send you to Austria. We have reasons to believe you belong there. From how we see it, you don't have much of a choice. Without your status as a guru, how will you get your life together? You have no home, no job, no money and if things are going the way they are going, you will lose your following, your reputation and people will treat you like they did yesterday, like trash. Think about it."
Tipi walked to the window and clung to the left curtain. He gazed outside into the quiet street below and the grey apartment building in front of him.
"But because we anticipated your reluctance, we constructed a list of people you should discuss with, to remind you of your preachings, and to convince you to go back into the mountains willingly."
The moment Alex had said the word mountain a whiff of exuberance entered Tipi's body, as if tiny cow bells had pentrated his heart.
"If this is how you treat your master, then so be it."
"We will treat you like our master, when you act like our master."
"I do look forward to speaking to people other than you guys, and without being called names. So who are on your list?"
"First on the list is Kathy Minder. She was the only one who was willing to get you sorted and who had spare time on short notice. We have set up a meeting with her at a local sports club. She's about to publish a self-help book and was heavily inspired by you."
---
Two hours later, Tipi found himself outside a colorful building.
"I thought we would meet at a sports club, " Tipi said after he was introduced to Kathy.
YOU ARE READING
Mountain Qualia
General FictionTipi is a grand master guru who has recently lost his gift of enlightenment by stumping his big toe and now has to cope with not living in the present anymore. **** When his followers set him back on a path of reclaiming his position on his mountai...
